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  1. you could say Maeda is GIF-ted.

    Comment by KJ — March 11, 2013 @ 11:47 am

  2. You could, but I would smite whoever did say that.

    Comment by Dan Rozenson — March 11, 2013 @ 11:48 am

  3. I like “usesless”, did you write that deliberatesly?

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 1:32 pm

  4. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 1:33 pm

  5. I’m filibustering this Daily Notes until Dear Author: (i) compiles a leaderboard of the top-10 hitting performances of the 2009 World Baseball Classic, (ii) uncovers a correlation between WBC performance and MLB performance, (iii) infers a causality, and (iv) calls it Science.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 1:37 pm

  6. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 1:37 pm

  7. How about soem Lenny Dykstra quotes?

    “Hey, I don’t hear, ‘Good job. What a good decision, Lenny.'”

    “Have I got a 12-inch c—, or what? Of course, it is all in place. It might not look like it, but everything I do is part of a plan.”

    “It’s about living the dream, bro”

    “I’m gonna get them with my cashmere, bro. Gotta go try and make some money.”

    “The bottom line is there is a reason for everything, dude.”

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 1:40 pm

  8. The most brilliantly bad author of all time? Amanda McKittrick Ros (1860–1939).

    Life is too often stripped of its pleasantness by the steps of false assumption, marring the true path of life-long happiness, which should be pebbled with principle, piety, purity, and peace.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 1:44 pm

  9. Are Chris Davis and Adam Dunn the last of the great TTOs? Will we never again see the likes of Steve Balboni, Rob Deer, Dave Kingman?

    Science has a theory:

    If there ever were significant numbers of Homo sapiens individuals with cognitive limitations on their capacity for behavioral variability, natural selection by intraspecific competition and predation would have quickly and ruthlessly winnowed them out. In the unforgiving Pleistocene environments in which our species evolved, reproductive isolation was the penalty for stupidity, and lions and wolves were its cure. In other words: No villages, no village idiots.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:03 pm

  10. At first, Brian Wilson hated his beard. Then it grew on him.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:09 pm

  11. Speaking of the Bay Area, this 2009 interview offers an accurate description followed by a bad inference:

    The economy up there is decimated, [Oakland is] the second child in the market, and the disposable income available to them up there is just brutal… Right now, it’s very difficult for a good outcome to happen for those guys. It’s going to be a tough year or two, maybe more. I just think they’re particularly vulnerable to the economic downturn. The state is out of money, the city’s a complete sinkhole of unemployment, crime, and decay, and I just don’t see them drawing fans, money, advertisers, corporate partners, or any sort of support for a new stadium.

    They’re in danger of becoming just background noise.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:18 pm

  12. Dick Schofield reserved his chair in Valhalla to the accompaniment of “Bottom of the 9th, Angels Batting, Behind 5-12….”

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:28 pm

  13. I’m not entirely sure what is happening to you, re: sanity, but I disagree. The most brilliantly bad author, in my experience, is Harry Stephen Keeler (1890-1967). Though his badness is far less celebrated than Ms. Ros’, it has a certain spunk, that is to say, vivacity, which makes his utter lack of skill all the more endearing.

    The beginning of a Keeler thriller:
    “For it must be remembered that at the time I knew quite nothing, naturally, concerning Milo Payne, the mysterious Cockney-talking Englishman with the checkered long-beaked Sherlockholmsian cap; nor of the latter’s “Barr-Bag” which was as like my own bag as one Milwaukee wienerwurst is like another; nor of Legga, the Human Spider, with her four legs and her six arms; nor of Ichabod Chang, ex-convict, and son of Dong Chang; nor of the elusive poetess, Abigail Sprigge; nor of the Great Simon, with his 2163 pearl buttons; nor of–in short, I then knew quite nothing about anything or anybody involved in the affair of which I had now become a part, unless perchance it were my Nemesis, Sophie Kratzenschneiderwümpel–or Suing Sophie!”

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — March 11, 2013 @ 2:28 pm

  14. I yield the floor to the Gentleman from Houston for this correction, and acknowledge the asserted horribleness of said prose.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:35 pm

  15. Will do 2009 WBC leaders for tomorrow’s Notes!

    Will also use the word science, although not necessarily in regard to that same leaderboard!

    Because I’m a free man!

    Comment by Carson Cistulli — March 11, 2013 @ 2:36 pm

  16. The greatest ever introduction of an athlete does not, sadly, refer to a baseball player:

    Too many of us are broken men
    And we kneel at the side of the road
    to be covered in the dust
    from the hooves of our enemy’s horses
    And we chew on gravel
    and we smile the smile of broken teeth and supplication
    But one man will not yield!
    One man will stand always
    and he will cast you in his shadow
    Because the rock on which he stands is not a rock!
    It is courage–
    It is hope–
    Enough to sustain a nation
    He will howl at the moon
    and he will call his name into the new day
    to put his claim
    Ladies and Gentlemen,
    The number one ranked eater in the world
    The asparagus,
    and wonton,
    and corned beef eating Champion of the world
    He has God’s user name and password
    and he does with it what he chooses

    The Nation’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Champion,
    Joey Chestnut!

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:36 pm

  17. Bryce Harper is famously coulrophobic, but did you know that Anna Benson is coulrophilial?

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:46 pm

  18. Answer: Brett Cecil

    Question: Who will be the first U.S. player fined $10,000 for failing to file an <a href="http://www.irs.gov/Businesses/Small-Businesses-&-Self-Employed/Report-of-Foreign-Bank-and-Financial-Accounts-(FBAR)"Report of Foreign Bank and Financial Accounts (FBAR)?

    (I’m just guessing)

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:51 pm

  19. I asked Delmon Young how Moses made his tea. Delmon said, “Hebrews it”.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:54 pm

  20. My son fouled off a pitch at little league Saturday. I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:56 pm

  21. Mike Morse told me that when chemists die, they barium.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 2:59 pm

  22. I wonder whether Seunghwan Oh is related to Sadaharu Oh

    Comment by cody k — March 11, 2013 @ 3:06 pm

  23. Franklin Gutierrez was screwing around in the outfield, trying to catch some Fog. He mist.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 3:07 pm

  24. What is going on?

    Comment by Bory — March 11, 2013 @ 3:07 pm

  25. Tony LaRussa is now addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 3:24 pm

  26. Filibaseballbuster. Trying to find a good reason for it but in the meantime, when wearing MLB approved pink clothing remember that PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 3:26 pm

  27. Thanks. I’ll leave you be.

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 3:27 pm

  28. Manager Victor Mesa was the primary reason Cuba failed to advance…he belittled everybody, from the umpires to the opposing teams to his own players…should have been tossed when he placed the ball under his armpit, then rolled it to the umpire…worst of all was the lack of faith he had in his team, demonstrating their mistakes from the dugout and goading them constantly…noone can play under that pressure…he jerked his position players and his pitchers in and out of the lineup seemingly without plan…the games were all about HIM…he made the world root against his team.

    Greg
    Sausalito

    Comment by Greg Tellis — March 11, 2013 @ 3:29 pm

  29. I take this opportunity to post several more quotations from Harry Stephen Keeler’s novel Behind That Mask, which I had the pleasure of reading at the British Museum whilst researching my master’s thesis.


    “I hope I’m not interrupting you, Professor,” I began. “Not at all,” he said. “I hadn’t started in yet with my late afternoon work period. A friend of mine – a professor Alcibiades Brown – was just here, and we had a spirited session in rhythm and music, he on his tuba, and I on my snare drum.”

    “Did the statuesque Diana evince great joy at your having located a cache of the old Marinello face cream?” I asked her.

    “O’Rourke paused belligerently.”

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — March 11, 2013 @ 3:39 pm

  30. From The Fiddling Cracksman, Chapter 5, “Destiny in the Person of One Hoggenheimer!”

    “It’s getting now that a pedestrian’s not safe anywhere–except in a second storey window.”
    “How,” inquired Mr. Winship, analytically, “would a pedestrian ever be walking in a second storey window?”
    “Oh, Joe–don’t be so technical!”

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — March 11, 2013 @ 3:45 pm

  31. Oh my god. It Hurts! It HURTS!

    Comment by King of the Byelorussian Square Dancers — March 11, 2013 @ 4:58 pm

  32. did i end up on notgraphs by mistake?

    Comment by commenter #1 — March 11, 2013 @ 7:24 pm

  33. Looking up ‘coulrophilial’ with BING shows ONE use of the word : your entry of March 11th at 2:46. Amazing

    Comment by doggie427 — March 11, 2013 @ 9:45 pm

  34. Everyone can act like a clown and not punished……this is what baseball is showing to the world yeeeesh, that and bunts a whole lotta bunts.

    Comment by DodgersKingsoftheGalaxy — March 12, 2013 @ 12:43 am

  35. More usually-innocuous things should be done belligerently.

    Comment by Jay29 — March 12, 2013 @ 10:20 am

  36. I don’t think you can lump Davis in as a TTO like Dunn. He doesn’t walk enough, so he really can’t expect to get much higher than the ~42% TTO he had last year. He’s behind guys like Peña, Reynolds, Granderson, even Pedro Alvarez, Uggla, Kubel, etc…

    Comment by Jay29 — March 12, 2013 @ 10:28 am

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