Daily Notes: A Sober Dispatch from the Corey Kluber Society

Table of Contents
Here’s the table of contents for today’s edition of the Daily Notes.

1. A Sober Dispatch from the Corey Kluber Society
2. Today’s MLB.TV Free Game
3. Today’s Complete Schedule

A Sober Dispatch from the Corey Kluber Society
Adherent always to noted French poet and inventor of the frown Charles Baudelaire’s pronouncement that “Il faut être toujours ivre,”* it’s without joy that the Corey Kluber Society announces quite soberly that Corey Kluber himself has been placed on the disabled list for an indefinite period of time with a sprain of the right middle finger.

*Roughly translated: “One must always be drunk.”

The present author, as acting president of this fictional organization, has received much in the way of correspondence over the last 12-plus hours concerning how the Society might conduct its affairs now. “Will regular meetings still be held?” one asks. “Shall we find a replacement for Kluber?” asks a second. “Is ritual suicide by means of a Japanese short blade the only solution?” inquires a third, rather emotional party.

“Yes” is the answer to each of those three questions, just as it’s the answer to all questions. If there’s a principle to which the Society has committed itself, it’s one of constant affirmation. If Kluber is a figure around whom we might organize, it’s not because of Kluber himself, but rather of that feeling which he invokes in the membership — by means both of his unusual career arc and excellent slider. And changeup. And front-hip two-seam fastball.

The particulars of this most recent difficulty require attention; the generalities are immutable, however. The Society is not populated by new, but rather the very oldest, of thoughts — old thoughts, as Emerson would say, “merely cast into the mould of these new times.” It contains multitudes; and those multitudes, multitudes; and those multitudes, even more multitudes. It’s not unlike a strange, conceptual Russian doll. And, like a Russian doll, it is entirely useless, but also the raw material for a hundred important metaphors, like this single important and useless metaphor.

Today’s MLB.TV Free Game
Toronto at Seattle | 15:40 ET
J.A. Happ (33.0 IP, 139 xFIP-, 0.4 WAR) faces Aaron Harang (100.2 IP, 108 xFIP-, 0.6 WAR).

Readers’ Preferred Broadcast: Toronto Radio, Perhaps.

Today’s Complete Schedule
Here’s the complete schedule for all of today’s games, with our very proprietary watchability (NERD) scores for each one. Pitching probables and game times aggregated from MLB.com and RotoWire. The average NERD Game Score for today is 6.3.

Note: the following table is entirely sortable.


Away   SP Tm. Gm. Tm. SP   Home Time
Bartolo Colon OAK 4 6 6 3 10 CIN Homer Bailey 12:35
Miguel Gonzalez BAL 3 9 5 6 4 SD Eric Stults 15:40
J.A. Happ TOR   6 3 5 4 SEA Aaron Harang 15:40
Kris Medlen ATL 6 8 7 3 9 WAS J. Zimmermann 19:05
Travis Wood CHN 3 5 5 1 7 PHI Cole Hamels 19:05
Doug Fister DET 7 8 9 7 11 CLE Danny Salazar* 19:05
Tom Koehler MIA 5 2 5 7 6 PIT Charlie Morton 19:05
Jhoulys Chacin COL 5 7 7 6 10 NYN Matt Harvey 19:10
Ryan Dempster BOS 3 8 4 4 3 HOU Jarred Cosart 20:10
Samuel Deduno MIN 2 3 5 6 8 KC Danny Duffy* 20:10
CC Sabathia NYA 7 2 5 1 5 CHA Hector Santiago 20:10
Ricky Nolasco LAN 5 3 7 4 10 STL Shelby Miller 20:15
Chris Archer TB 5 10 6 2 8 AZ Randall Delgado 21:40
Alexi Ogando TEX 2 3 3 8 2 LAA Tommy Hanson 22:05
Marco Estrada MIL 6 4 6 5 8 SF M. Bumgarner 22:15

To learn how Pitcher and Team NERD Scores are calculated, click here.
To learn how Game NERD Scores are calculated, click here.
* = Fewer than 20 IP, NERD at discretion of very handsome author.




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


30 Responses to “Daily Notes: A Sober Dispatch from the Corey Kluber Society”

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  1. stich09 says:

    J.A. Happ’s ball to the head has rendered the author unable to assign a NERD score, by transitive concussion.

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Nick says:

    Long live the Danny Salazar Society?

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Resolution says:

    I propose a moratorium on Daily Notes until Kluber is activated. Despite excellent contribution, to do otherwise would be disrespectful.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. gudes10 says:

    The all is lost moment!!!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Reddickulous says:

    I was sad that I had to drop him last week to pick up a catcher to replace Yadi. I remain sad, even after this turn of events. Woe be to the DL! Give us back our precious children!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Baroque6 says:

    Hey, principle not principle. And I also missed the “life and days” clause which usually appears in the CKS meeting announcements. But yeah, still a very enjoyable post.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Sizzle says:

    The Danny Salazar Society shall commence.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. The Party Bird says:

    Justin Verlander must have taken offense at his middling NERD score, because he was quite watchable last night.

    [Says someone who thinks Verlander has interest in mortal affairs]

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. danwatson19 says:

    I picked Kluber up off waivers prior to his start on Monday. I accept full responsibility, although I feel I am being tested.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Fastpiece says:

    Mancrush United

    LOLOLOL

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. Alexander Nevermind says:

    Along with the grim Kluber news, yesterday also brought forth the announcement that Carson Crush ’11, Colby Lewis, was officially shut down for the season. Charlie Blackmon better be careful.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. MOFONGO says:

    “The author, finally, would derive some pleasure in the person of Max Scherzer, owing to how the latter appears to possess a considerable — and what the unenlightened might refer to as “crippling” — sense of self-awareness, as suggested by his interview with David Laurila at the end of May and suggested by other extant profiles of him.” -Cistulli (July 2012)

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. Professor Ross Eforp says:

    RIP Corey

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  14. chri521 says:

    Kluber to miss 4-6 weeks, more serious injury than expected.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. The Humber Games says:

    The Josh Johnson society? I think we can all appreciate his non-traditional view of the importance of a low ERA.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  16. LordJim says:

    Voodoo dolls work.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  17. Jaker says:

    Hey guys,

    Running a little late today but wanted to share my thoughts:

    Dear Corey,

    If you’re reading this (and given that you are all things at once and in all places at once it seems absurd to even suggest that you are not reading this as I write it but I nevertheless will qualify the following with the aforementioned “if statement” in recognition of how insignificant I am in contrast to your magnanimousness and what a waste of your precious time it would be to consider my words) then please accept my well-wishes and heal quickly as I know you will.

    Until you return from that list which signifies those who are on the path of recovering greatness (to associate your name with a list of the “disabled” would be a heinous crime), I can only say this: goodbye my sweet, sweet prince.

    –Not Steve

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  18. Scotty says:

    Salazar has 6 K’s through 3 innings with 2 K’s against Miggy. I think we found the fill in for Kluber. Not replacement because nobody can replace Kluber.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  19. Gregg says:

    So yeah, I just traded for Kluber right before his last start. And this after I’d missed out on picking him up by $1 over a month ago.

    Ergo, FUCKFUCKFUCKITYFUCK!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  20. Dave S (the original) says:

    what metaphor??? oh crap. I missed the metaphor. Chicks dig, D_I_G, dig metaphors.

    hell.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8T6w3DtB1A

    Who’s up for a metaphor??????

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  21. Matthew Kirkeby says:

    Sad that I must now cut him in redraft leagues sans DL slots…

    Serious Props for this series of articles though. I consistently found a laugh while reading them at work, much to the confusion of my coworkers. Not to mention, I received the message of the good work of one Corey Kluber in time to reap the rewards of his talent.

    Thank you.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  22. BubbaNoTrubba says:

    What so funny with Corey Kluber?

    I don’t quite understand the need to ridicule a journey man type of pitcher who finally made it into a starting rotation?

    Kluber has made a tremendous journey, and there’s no need to make fun of him.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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