Daily Notes: Member Testimonials of the Corey Kluber Society

Table of Contents
Here’s the table of contents for today’s edition of the Daily Notes.

1. Member Testimonials of the Corey Kluber Society
2. Today’s MLB.TV Free Game
3. Today’s Complete Schedule

Member Testimonials of the Corey Kluber Society
The Purpose of This Post
The purpose of this post, firstly, is to announce a meeting — in this case, at 7:05pm ET today (Friday) — of the Corey Kluber Society. The purpose, secondly, is to share testimonials from five totally real, and not fake, people who’ve all benefited from membership to same.

About the Society
The Corey Kluber Society (or, frequently just “the Society”) is composed of individuals all bound by their singular enthusiasm for the works and days of Cleveland right-hander Corey Kluber.

How to Attend a Meeting
To attend a meeting of the Society, one needs merely to engage in the ancient and impossibly sacred ritual known as “watching Corey Kluber’s start on television or via MLB.TV by some manner of connective device.”*

*Roughly translated from the Scythian.

Featured Testimonials
As noted above, what follows are the actual words of real, and not fake, people regarding their membership in the Corey Kluber Society, which itself obviously isn’t fictional.

From Robert:

I joined the Corey Kluber Society (in less than a half hour) and wanted to let you know how pleased I am. This is an awesome Society that REALLY delivers! Thanks again for forming a great Society that delivers on its promise.

From Sam:

The Corey Kluber Society has been a great study aid and energy booster for me. Not only is it very luminous, but it also allows me to focus for longer periods of time. Overall I am loving the Corey Kluber Society and, as a student, I feel it plays a large role in my study habits!

From Michael:

I have a very busy lifestyle and for several years I’ve had concerns about my general health and cardiovascular system. I’ve been a member of the Corey Kluber Society for four months now. I feel like the Society is supporting both my immune and cardiovascular systems. I feel energized, which has greatly improved my moods and lifestyle as I get through my many activities with more ease.

From Michelle:

The Corey Kluber Society is courteous and friendly and always eager to help. I have referred many friends to the Society and always receive positive feedback based on its reliability and their satisfaction. Whatever the case, I highly recommend the Corey Kluber Society to all my clients.

From Darlene:

Very Nice!!! I’ve been looking for a good new Society and I found it with this! Be careful and slow the first time; once you’re in, though, it’s pure pleasure. I love the Corey Kluber Society!!!

Today’s MLB.TV Free Game
Milwaukee at Colorado | 20:40 ET
Wily Peralta (121.1 IP, 108 xFIP-, 0.9 WAR) faces Tyler Chatwood (76.1 IP, 102 xFIP-, 1.6 WAR). Regarding Colorado, their current team WAR totals suggest that the club ought to have won something closer to 54 games, instead of the 49 wins they’ve actually won. Their WAR win total (54.2, precisely) is above both Los Angeles’s (53.4) and Arizona’s (51.0), although it’s the latter two clubs which are currently ahead of Colorado in the NL West standings.

Readers’ Preferred Broadcast: Milwaukee Radio.

Today’s Complete Schedule
Here’s the complete schedule for all of today’s games, with our very proprietary watchability (NERD) scores for each one. Pitching probables and game times aggregated from MLB.com and RotoWire. The average NERD Game Score for today is 6.3.

Note: the following table is entirely sortable.


Away   SP Tm. Gm. Tm. SP   Home Time
Jenrry Mejia* NYN 7 6 7 2 10 WAS J. Zimmermann 13:35
John Lackey BOS 8 8 7 8 4 BAL Chris Tillman 19:05
Matt Harvey NYN 10 6 7 2 5 WAS Ross Ohlendorf* 19:05
J. Hellickson TB 5 10 6 3 7 NYA CC Sabathia 19:05
Martin Perez TEX 8 4 8 7 10 CLE Corey Kluber 19:05
Jordan Lyles HOU 5 3 6 6 9 TOR R.A. Dickey 19:07
Cole Hamels PHI 8 1 7 7 7 DET Doug Fister 19:08
Jeff Locke PIT 3 7 4 1 5 MIA Hen. Alvarez 19:10
A. Wainwright STL 9 4 8 8 8 ATL Mike Minor 19:30
James Shields KC 6 7 5 2 5 CHA Jose Quintana 20:10
Wily Peralta MIL 6 3 6 8 6 COL Tyler Chatwood 20:40
Eric Stults SD 4 6 6 2 9 AZ Randall Delgado 21:40
Jerome Williams LAA 4 7 5 6 5 OAK Bartolo Colon 22:05
Homer Bailey CIN 10 3 8 3 10 LAN Clayton Kershaw 22:10
Scott Diamond MIN 2 2 5 5 9 SEA Felix Hernandez 22:10
Edwin Jackson CHN 5 5 5 6 5 SF Matt Cain 22:15

To learn how Pitcher and Team NERD Scores are calculated, click here.
To learn how Game NERD Scores are calculated, click here.
* = Fewer than 20 IP, NERD at discretion of very handsome author.



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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
jB4s7
Member
jB4s7
2 years 11 months ago

No GIF to pump up the masses?

Diamond Doug
Guest
Diamond Doug
2 years 11 months ago

That was hilarious! You are a comic genius

Mel
Guest
Mel
2 years 11 months ago

It’s an enjoyable society to be in, but it would be nice if people who joined the CKS got a Corey Kluber pen, or decoder ring, or mousepad, if for no other reason than to be competitive with what other societies are offering these days.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
2 years 11 months ago

My Corey Kluber Society Official Secret Decoder Ring told me to drink my Ovaltine.

Hirohitahomerun already
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

What you get is free access to Carson “Human Kluge” Cistulli.

Also, remember to celebrate every Kluber K with a quick Klog jig– here’s a sample featuring the aforementioned Darlene and Sam (Dear Author is the patrolling Brezhnev look-alike).

Stormin' Norman
Guest
Stormin' Norman
2 years 11 months ago

It’s my birthday today.

My body is ready for Kluber.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
2 years 11 months ago

Happy birthday, Gen. Schwarzkopf!

Professor Ross Eforp
Member
Professor Ross Eforp
2 years 11 months ago

Kluber.

8nthatk
Guest
8nthatk
2 years 11 months ago

Outstanding really, truly.

Brendan
Guest
Brendan
2 years 11 months ago

I will be attending the Corey Kluber Society meeting in person tonight at Progressive Field. Is there any sort of badge or other symbol I can wear signifying my membership in said society?

Clayton
Guest
Clayton
2 years 11 months ago

I believe the proper attire at any CKS meeting is to be fully exposed. Spiritually exposed.

danwatson19
Member
danwatson19
2 years 11 months ago

This image, printed at life size dimensions, worn as a mask.

Kingsley Zissou
Guest
Kingsley Zissou
2 years 11 months ago

By the way, would you mind if I made a few modifications to the Team Kluber insignia?

Big Nerd
Guest
Big Nerd
2 years 11 months ago

Woe to those who attend a Kluber start in person.

A close reading of the bylaws suggests that, sadly, such will not constitute attendance at a meeting of the Society.

Perhaps they could bring a mobile device and observe from their seats.

Atreyu Jones
Guest
Atreyu Jones
2 years 11 months ago

Is ask you brethren: Is it okay to refer to him as ‘Klubes’ ?

Frankie
Guest
Frankie
2 years 11 months ago

Shouldn’t Ross Ohlendorf, by nature of being a Princeton graduate, have a much higher NERD score?

bkgeneral
Guest
bkgeneral
2 years 11 months ago

Much like in Spinal Tap, turn Kluber to 11 and rip off the knob!

Dave
Guest
Dave
2 years 11 months ago

I just had to .

Alexander Nevermind
Guest
Alexander Nevermind
2 years 11 months ago

“Be careful and slow the first time; once you’re in, though, it’s pure pleasure.”

Darlene is turning me on.

LordJim
Guest
LordJim
2 years 11 months ago

Most overrated pitcher. I’m done with Fangraphs until this “Cory Kluber Society” nonsense stops.

Jj
Guest
Jj
2 years 11 months ago

Don’t worry. You won’t be missed.

Bryrob58
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

Be gone!

Dave
Guest
Dave
2 years 11 months ago

I know, right? It’s like everywhere I turn, everybody is talking about this guy. ESPN won’t shut up about him. And now there are all these bandwagon fans who don’t even follow baseball, sporting their Kluber jerseys… The hype is getting ridiculous.

cass
Guest
cass
2 years 11 months ago

Great example of Poe’s Law. I have no idea if LordJim here has no sense of humor and is completely missing the point or if he’s trying to be funny and make an exagerated negative comment to fit in with the positive comments in the post.

Hirohitahomerun already
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

He’s like Old Man River, “trolling, trolling, he just goes trolling along”.

t
Guest
t
2 years 11 months ago

If Corey Kluber throws a pitch, and no one is there to frame it, is it still called a strike?

Professor Ross Eforp
Member
Professor Ross Eforp
2 years 11 months ago

In Soviet Russia, pitch frames you.

MustBunique
Member
Member
2 years 11 months ago

Along those lines, if a batter were to swing very early at a Corey Kluber changeup could he reload and take a second hack at it only to still be out in front?

danwatson19
Member
danwatson19
2 years 11 months ago

Santana will likely be catching tonight, so I suppose you will find out.

t
Guest
t
2 years 11 months ago

You made me take a quick look at his splits between catchers:
Gomes – 6G, 1.80 ERA
Santana – 12G, 4.71 ERA

Almost a walk per inning more when Santana catches also. SSS agrees with observation in this case.

danwatson19
Member
danwatson19
2 years 11 months ago

just curious, where does one find such splits?

Jaker
Guest
Jaker
2 years 11 months ago

Mr. Kluber doesn’t actually throw balls or strikes. He just throws.

The universe bends around each pitch and places it accordingly.

If a throw therefore results in a ball or a hit, it is not any fault of Mr. Kluber but instead because of some flaw in us all. We must therefore search within each time Corey falters; only then can we find true enlightenment.

jruby
Member
Member
jruby
2 years 11 months ago

6.3 seems like a particularly high average NERD score. Could someone please graph all daily NERD scores for no pay and confirm this?

KluberSuperFan
Guest
KluberSuperFan
2 years 11 months ago

Can you please include actually attending the game as a way to be a part of a CKS meeting.

Making the trip just to see my #1 favorite player.

beliekluber
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

Pitching coaches hate him! guy discovers one weird trick to great K/BB ratio.

Jaker
Guest
Jaker
2 years 11 months ago

Hey guys,

Running a little late today but wanted to share my own anecdote about the CKS.

Personally, my sex life has improved by leaps and bounds since I became a member. I used to struggle approaching women, never having the right thing to say and doubting myself even before I approached them. To be honest, I found it puzzling. My peripherals are all fantastic — good job, good looks, physically in shape and a well-rounded sense of humor — and yet every time I was hit with rejection, it always felt like I was tagged with a line drive, like women were really seeing through my advances and squaring up on me. Sound familiar? Yep. My sex life is the spitting image of the pitching skills of one Mr. Corey Kluber, what with his strong peripherals yet above-average BABIP. Incredible right!? And that’s when my breakthrough really came.

I started asking myself: “What would Corey do?”. And I’d soon have the answer. When I saw Mr. Kluber step to the rubber against the Detroit Tigers on July 7th, 2013, my life would be forever changed. He just went out there, against one of the league’s best offenses, and threw. Sure he walked three and allowed two earned runs — but he came away with ten strikeouts in just six and a third innings! Ten! I mean wow, where does he get off with that kind of performance!? That’s when I knew. I just knew. I had to go out there, hit all the bars — the high-end dance clubs, the East side dives, the local watering holes filled with toothless waiters and unemployed blue collars — I had to hit ’em all and just throw. Pound the strike zone. If I get hit hard, so be it. Just move on the next and keep at it, knowing that I have the skills to close out the next one and limit the damage.

And you know what guys? It worked. It really worked! I get such a rush just thinking bout it! And get this guys, I mean this just tops it off: while I can’t say for certain, I’m pretty sure I even gained an inch in length and a half in girth… if you know what I mean. It’s been that incredible! And I owe it all to you, my sweet, sweet prince. Corey Kluber.

–Not Steve

Toasty
Member
2 years 11 months ago

Attending my first meeting in earnest tonight. We are all Klubers.

John Brile
Guest
John Brile
2 years 11 months ago

This focus on Kluber’s pitching ability is all well and good, but I would like to note that Corey Kluber leads the AL in pitches per plate appearance.

buckeyebfan
Member
buckeyebfan
2 years 11 months ago

At Indians season ticket holder appreciation day I actual discussed the CKS with Corey Kluber and first base coach Mike Sarbaugh

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