FanGraphs+ Player-Profile Game: Question #4

Play the player-profile game again tomorrow — in this case, at the scheduled time of 1:00pm ET. We’re giving away a free annual subscription to FanGraphs+ to the first reader who guesses correctly the identity of that day’s mystery player. (Limit one copy per customer).

As Eno Sarris announced recently, FanGraphs+ is once again available to the sexy, teeming masses.

In celebration — and to the end of nearly relentless promotion — we’re playing the player-profile game I introduced in these pages a few offseasons ago.

The game is easy: one person (me, in this case) offers the text of single player profile, being careful to omit any proper names that might reveal the identity of the player in question. The other person (you, the reader) attempts to identify the player using only the details provided in the profile.

First reader to guess correctly (in the comments section below) gets a free annual subscription to FanGraphs+ — approximately a $1000 value!

Today’s entry comes to us courtesy of Mr. Patrick Dubuque.

Who is it?

It is unlikely that you have come to FG+ needing to know about [BLANK]. Late at night, in the darkness, we all know [BLANK]: he is us, what we will someday become. That said, [BLANK] wasn’t horrible last year, posting his best FIP (3.91) since 2006, and adding quality starts in half his outings. Perhaps most importantly, he saw his fastball move up a tick (averaging 90 mph) after a trend of dwindling down into the high 80s. [BLANK’S] shoulder gave out on him late in the year, and depending on the length of the rehab, he was mulling retirement in the offseason. But there are plenty of bad teams with innings to be eaten, and far worse pitchers than him collecting paychecks, including on [BLANK’S TEAM]. He’s not worth drafting, but depending on the park he ends up in, it’s not totally inconceivable that you could find yourself looking at his name on the waiver wire, reminiscing of better days and considering a spot start pickup in your deepest league.

Sign up for FanGraphs+! Sign up for it. Click here to sign up for it. Don’t be ridiculous, click here. Did you click here, yet? You should. You should do it. Why not click here, when clicking here feels so right? Click so good.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


42 Responses to “FanGraphs+ Player-Profile Game: Question #4”

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  1. sam says:

    joe blanton

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  2. Josh says:

    Rick Porcello?

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  3. champion88 says:

    Roy Oswalt

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  4. Josh says:

    Actually I think its Joe Blanton

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  5. bt0318 says:

    Barry Zito?

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  6. Nick says:

    Joe Blanton

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  7. juan pierres mustache says:

    bartolo colon?

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  8. filihok says:

    Kevin Millwood

    Too easy when you give us a sortable stat

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Winner!

      You are the recipient, officially, of a FanGraphs+ subscription.

      Congratulations to you and all your ancestors.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

    • If you would, please email your FanGraphs user name to this email address, and we can set up your subscription FG+:

      carson [dot] cistulli [at] fangraphs [dot] com.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

    • champion88 says:

      This is such garbage.

      When the description says “mulling retirement,” it shouldn’t be for a pitcher who ACTUALLY already retired.

      Considering these aren’t published yet, why would you publish it that way?

      That’s highly misleading.

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      • filihok says:

        Haters gonna hate

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      • Your point is more reasonable than your tone, good reader!

        However, it should also be noted that these have been published — and were, in fact, published on Sunday night, which is the same day that reports of Millwood’s retirement were made widely available.

        I will advise editor Eno Sarris to make the necessary corrections. In the meantime, your enthusiasm for accuracy is appreciated.

        +9 Vote -1 Vote +1

        • champion88 says:

          I’m sorry that I come off as mean or anything, but I’m just very competitive and my first instinct was, “Oh, it would definitely be Kevin Millwood if he had not just retired over the weekend.”

          And so I would have won if the listing had been accurate!

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        • TKDC says:

          Some may come to Fangraphs for the insight in the articles. Others come to stare at ridiculous player pages from current (e.g. Craig Kimbrel) or past (e.g. Barry Bonds), but [BLANK] comes to win a prize worth five dollars. In what is possibly the worst excuse for not just paying five dollars, [BLANK] claims to not believe in credit cards. Nevertheless, I will be rooting for [BLANK] to win the last challenge tomorrow.

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        • champion88 says:

          @TKDC: lol, thanks for rooting for me.

          But I really don’t have any credit cards.

          It feels wrong to ever spend money that you don’t have and while I could always pay the bill as soon as it comes in, it is still endorsing the industry if I use their services in anyway.

          I have paid more money for stuff online just to avoid using a credit card.

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      • Dave says:

        Dude. It’s $5.

        +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

      • No problem, champion. Just trying to keep the level of discourse reasonable.

        Also, there’s another question tomorrow — at 1pm ET, like it’s supposed to be.

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    • Matthias says:

      Or…

      “Kevin Millwood

      Too easy when you’re a Mariners fan”

      (Can’t wait to watch Beavan this season…)

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  9. Jordan says:

    Kevin Millwood

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  10. sstrand says:

    ja happ

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  11. champion88 says:

    Freddy Garcia

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  12. Eric says:

    Joe Blanton

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  13. bt0318 says:

    Aaron Harang

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  14. Andrew says:

    Ted Lilly

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  15. rsavits says:

    Michael Pineda, because it hasn’t been said yet.

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  16. Røark says:

    Kevin Millwood?

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  17. rustydude says:

    It did sound like Blanton to me, but Millwood makes sense. Both played for the Phillies once upon a time, although probably not at the same time – too lazy to check their records.

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  18. Ben says:

    Bartolo Colon?

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  19. Double J says:

    what you mean it’s not Javy Vazquez?

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  20. All Balls No Brains says:

    Forget the game “he is us, what we will someday become” Classic Patrick Dubuque, Classic.

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  21. Fantasy Nerd says:

    Hey everybody, not to be a douchbag, but if you don’t get to join this league for free and want to start up your own league, you can use this link to start a CBS league for half off the intro price. Thought some people might be interested!

    http://cbssports.com/ref/46786930

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  22. Bad At Contests says:

    Kevin millwood??

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