Texeira’s Split Personality

If for no other reason than a ragged beard and moppy heard of hair, we should all be thankful that the Mariners chose Kanekoa Texeira in the past Rule 5 draft. Texeira was a part of the Yankees’ organization, which has a draconian policy towards facial hair and style alike. They are essentially baseball’s version of the Illuminati with constricting policies in exchange for success. Oh sure, you’ll win games, but no handlebar mustaches for you, my friend. And really, is winning without a mustache winning at all?

Texeira remained a Mariner through the spring and into the summer before the team placed him on waivers. The question of choice at the time was something like, “Which sabermetric organization will be the next to give this guy a shot?” That was a question because through 18 innings with the Mariners, Texeira had decent peripherals and a stinky ERA.

The team of intellectual sunshine to claim Texeira was – of course – the Kansas City Royals. He’s since pitched in 15 games for them and has looked nothing like his Mariner incarnation. Instead of being a reliever with modest strikeout and walk rates who gets a fair amount of grounders, he’s morphed into a reliever almost completely void of strikeouts and walks who gets an extreme amount of grounders. It’s a good look for him, too, as his FIP and xFIP have remained about steady while his ERA has deflated by more than two runs.

In such small sample sizes, it is possible that one or the other could be Texiera’s real ability. It’s also possible that neither are truly representative since it is just 43 innings and true talent doesn’t know of our arbitrary boundaries – like seasons – so it doesn’t have to show itself through every sample just because Texeira is now in the majors or just because the season just began or anything like that. He looks like a useful reliever to have in a bullpen and kudos to the Royals for grabbing him, but right now, it’s hard to peg just which skin is his own.

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10 Responses to “Texeira’s Split Personality”

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  1. Sean L says:

    “Is winning without a mustache winning at all?”

    Awesome line

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  2. SullivanRoyal says:

    Does it matter when the Royals infield are poor fielders? Heaven forbid it makes it to right field with Guillen out there now.

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  3. Steve says:

    Actually, a moustache is the ONLY allowable facial hair under Yankee policy. You guys remember Don Mattingly, right?

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  4. nolan says:

    Was this written before or after Texeira was crushed to the tune of five runs by the Twins yesterday?

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  5. Don Mattingly says:

    Actually, I had a thick mustachio for the bulk of my time in pinstripes. Have you ever actually watched baseball? Have you ever seen a photograph of Thurman Munson?

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  6. Cuban Bee says:

    Well he said no HANDLEBAR mustaches, and I believe yankee policy is no facial hair below the upper lip. So the handlebar style would not be allowed due to the mustache’s boundaries being extended beyond the reaches of the upper lip.

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  7. fredsbank says:

    im gonna write down select lines from this as some of my favorite quotes of all time, i hope that’s okay

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  8. Don Mattingly says:

    @Cuban Bee-

    First, your reading comprehension fails. You say he only refers to handlebar mustaches, but the following quote shows that you are incorrect: “And really, is winning without a mustache winning at all?”

    Second, you don’t know what a handlebar mustache is. They generally do not extend below the upper lip.

    Furthermore, Thurman Munson’s mustache was gigantic and went way below the upper lip.

    I reiterate my previous position that this columnist has never watched the Yankees play in his life, and should be fired from this sorry excuse for a website.

    Also, Cuba’s reports of 100% literacy have been summarily proven to be false.

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  9. appleshampoo says:

    Handlebar moustache:

    Horseshoe moustache:

    The two are ofter confused (I should know, as I am currently sporting the horseshoe).

    I believe that Cuban Bee is right on the Yankees’ policy, so handlebar moustaches WOULD be allowed, while horseshoes would NOT.

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  10. Don Mattingly says:

    The Yankees rule is not no hair below the upper lip. It is mustaches only. How old are you idiots? Have you ever seen a picture of Goose Gossage? He’s got a big fucking mustache that goes down to the bottom of his chin. Why don’t you type him into your precious wikipedia and then try to classify his mustache. Is this a fucking sports blog? How is it that everyone on here is making ridiculously stupid statements that can be proven wrong just by having basic knowledge of what Hall of Famers on the Yankees look like?

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