Molina makes sense. First off he definately looks like a couch. He`s easy going, good defensively and you can just sit back and get comfy watching him. He doesn`t seem that great but he is definately not bad. He`s cheap, useful, and he does the job but the more he plays the less comfortable it is, kind of like after you sit on an old couch for too long.
Here’s another thing about the $45 couch. You didn’t buy it new for $45 dollars. No, you actually inherited it from an ex-roommate who left it behind when he moved out. He got it from an old girlfriend who got it from one of HER old roommates, who’s parents bought it for her at a neighbor’s yard sale.
Mr $45 Couch has to have an extensive history of different teams on the back of his Topps card. Stairs has, by my count, twelve.
Carlos Lee (#45). Just over 6 feet. Was really nice when bought used but is now well below average and sticks out like an elephant in the room. The quality of the leather has deteriorated in particular. Heavy and rather difficult to move. Spent so much on it that it would be painful to toss even though it is now practically worthless. No one else seems to want it – even the garbage men (Sabean) won’t take it.
i think we’re missing one very important element in the couch’s life cycle: it’s original purchase.
at some point (maybe early 90s) a working man came home one night from sears, possibly macy’s, with this couch strapped to his truck. he brought it into his home and said, “here, family, is our new couch”. the family welcomed it and immediately envisioned rockwellian thanksgivings, super bowls, world series and other important events that it would witness. yes, while no one would call it the best couch in the world, it’s arrival was nonetheless met with fanfare and promise. things were going to be okay for the family that bought that couch.
years later, we look at the couch and often forget the promise it once held. oh, sure, it occasionally has its moments, but it’s a shell of its former self. it’s changed hands a lot, but it’s never been sent to the dumpster. no, it is still serviceable.
i can’t think of anyone but livan hernandez who best embodies “45 dollar couch” life cycle and current condition.
Well I know Tigers fans would agree that this could pertain to Brandon Inge. Until recently the organization stuck with him no matter what. He was no where near a ideal 3rd baseman but he was good enough for the Tigers too keep around far too long.
People seem to be focusing on players who look like couches, and that misses the point. A $45 couch is something everyone needs one of but doesn’t want to think about. You’ll go out and splurge on a great new plasma TV before you upgrade the couch.
The position of couch screams infielder.
SP’s and big bats are more like fancy tech toys. A great couch in a cheap house looks ugly and stands out (Hanley Ramirez & FLA). Some really nice homes have a horrible couch – but you don’t care too much because the other stuff is so nice (Tejada & SF).
A $45 couch – that’s a journeyman infielder.
You’re in a dump of a home, trying to make improvements. No one starts by locking down an elite second baseman. You start with pitching and great bats (which are usually the corner guys). Then maybe down the road you finally throw out the couch and put in something nicer. Sometimes you shift the couch around because you don’t really want to get rid of it but can’t justify keeping it in the middle of the room. Utility/Journeyman infielder all the way!
So, $45 couch types:
Jamey Carroll (he came up as an Expo, so he’s the $45 Chesterfield)
“Sometimes you shift the couch around because you don’t really want to get rid of it but can’t justify keeping it in the middle of the room”
Plus! Somebody always wants him, is initially happy to have him, uses the crap out of him, then realizes they can do way better and he’s kind of an eyesore, then he sits in the garage waiting for the next team to come get him.
Mark Kotsay!! Altho he inexplicably keeps ending up in the middle of the room (batting order).
Like when Braun missed some games, not only did Kotsay play LF, he batted in Braun’s 3 hole ahead of Hart (1), Weeks (5), Fielder (4)
Gotta be Edwin Jackson. Dude gets passed around MLB like a $45 Dollar Couch.
Comment by Tommy Lasordas Pasta — July 28, 2011 @ 6:24 pm
The thing about a couch is that it is hard to sell/get rid of because you need to sell it to someone who has a truck and has buddies who can help move it. In my view this must also imply a big bad contract that is difficult to do away with. And I think its funnier to give this nickname to someone who looks like a couch, so I vote Carlos Lee.
Ben, cogent analysis. The transactional history (and multitude of owners) of the chattel is of prime import. Furthermore, such a couch is unavoidably misshapen and lumpy, two adjectives easily transferable to Mr. Stairs.
Willie Bloomquist: the definition of replaceable, and yet somehow someone’s always finding a reason to keep him around. There’s no reason for it, since he’s not doing anything that you can’t have somebody else do, but damn it if you’re going to let someone else do it instead of him. He’s right on the boundary of major leaguer and minor leaguer, but always on the right side of that boundary, always, somehow, usable.
He may not look quite like a couch, but it’s not like he doesn’t not look like a couch, is it?
If a pitcher, Octavio Dotel. Dotel still looks like he can do all those things he could do when he was new, but it turns out that the springs are all shot on one side of him. And, somehow, he got packaged up with some newer, nicer furniture just this week, for Grandpa Larussa to try out. Dotel has had 12 owners, in 12 years.