NotGraphs Baseball


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  1. Well I don’t know who it is, but it ain’t Luke Scott.

    Comment by pbs — August 4, 2011 @ 11:41 am

  2. Uh, I think it absolutely must be Jose Contreras. But, to be fair, I think this nickname has less stick-to-it-iveness than the previous three.

    Comment by bgrosnick — August 4, 2011 @ 11:51 am

  3. Micah Owings.

    Fastball tops out in the 80’s, and he can be used as a pinch hitter for the $45 Couches of the world.

    Comment by glassSheets — August 4, 2011 @ 11:53 am

  4. I’m going to throw Brad Penny out there. Both have around 100 ERA+’s for their careers, both have pitched for a lot of different teams, and both are pretty fat. Also, they both made two AS games a piece. I like the comp. Brad “Livan Hernandez” Penny is a great name. Hell, Livan “Brad Penny” Hernandez is a great name too.

    Comment by Steve — August 4, 2011 @ 11:56 am

  5. Jason Marquis.

    Comment by Friedman — August 4, 2011 @ 12:00 pm

  6. I’ll get the obvious formality out of the way and nominate Livan Hernandez.

    Comment by Dayn Perry — August 4, 2011 @ 12:01 pm

  7. Josh Beckett

    I might be way off here, but their careers seem to be taking a similar path.

    Phase 1 – world series hero for Marlins.
    Phase 2 – reach word series again w 2nd team (Livan – Giants, Beckett – Red Sox) while not quite living up to ace status.
    Phase 3 – Livan = become a journeyman innings eater and settle in with last place club who gets by with guile after stuff is completely gone, Beckett = ?

    Given the health issues and the fact that he is a better pitcher than Livan was it seems unlikely that Beckett’s twilight will be similar to Livan’s, but the beginnings seem to mirror each other quite well.

    Comment by Dan — August 4, 2011 @ 12:07 pm

  8. Now I’ve got nothing.

    Except: Arthur Rhodes!

    Arthur Rhodes seems to be my default for all of these.

    Comment by Navin Vaswani — August 4, 2011 @ 12:28 pm

  9. I wish this were a few days earlier, I would’ve said Matt Stairs.

    Comment by steex — August 4, 2011 @ 12:31 pm

  10. R.A. Dickey. Perhaps the R.A. even stands for “Really Average” He has piled up a pedestrian 6.2 WAR in more than 750 innings. To make matters worse (or more average, if you will), he was the first player mentioned in the article used to explain “replacement value pitcher” in this article: If that doesnt scream average, what does?

    Also, with a last name like Dickey, I’m sure he makes love like a godhead even if it is really average.

    Comment by ngranered — August 4, 2011 @ 12:32 pm

  11. Carl Pavano – strikeouts are his enemy as with Livan
    Bronson Arroyo – throwing 60 mph pitches excites him as with Livan

    Comment by Todd — August 4, 2011 @ 12:33 pm

  12. And it could work quite well for this one.

    Comment by Dayn Perry — August 4, 2011 @ 12:35 pm

  13. For our purposes, the great Mr. Stairs is still considered active. His name is accepted into nomination.

    Comment by Dayn Perry — August 4, 2011 @ 12:35 pm

  14. I nominate El Duque.

    Comment by Bob — August 4, 2011 @ 12:35 pm

  15. I’d like to stake out a spot as a visionary and apply it to Aroldis Chapman. I’ll check back in 2020 and see how it worked out.

    Comment by Jay — August 4, 2011 @ 12:36 pm

  16. In honor of the late Hideki Irabu, I nominate The Fat Pussy Toad. Obviously, he is not active here on our planet, but he must be causing George Steinbrenner to reach for his wallet in the after life every time The Boss hears the name “I Rob U”.

    Comment by TheBigDawg — August 4, 2011 @ 12:47 pm

  17. Bartolo Colon?

    Comment by The Only Nolan — August 4, 2011 @ 12:49 pm

  18. Derek Lowe

    Comment by GTwill — August 4, 2011 @ 12:52 pm

  19. I have not thought about Jeff Juden in quite a long time. I have never visited Jeff Juden’s FanGraphs page until this moment.

    I did not know Jeff Juden pitched 5.2 innings as a Yankee

    Comment by filihok — August 4, 2011 @ 1:03 pm

  20. Sergio Mitre

    Comment by SAmmy — August 4, 2011 @ 1:10 pm

  21. & Carlos Zambrano, also Brian Tallet.

    Comment by SAmmy — August 4, 2011 @ 1:11 pm

  22. Edgar Renteria is a good position player comp.

    Comment by SAmmy — August 4, 2011 @ 1:12 pm

  23. A joke I once heard on the internets:

    Q: Why is Livan hernandez so fat?
    A: Because he eats so many innings!

    Comment by AndyS — August 4, 2011 @ 1:15 pm

  24. I’d support this.

    The thing that strikes me about Hernandez is not just his lack of velocity, but the fact that he always shows up and gives you 33 starts and 200+ innings, and has somehow never been injured. For like 14 years in a row.

    Comment by Yirmiyahu — August 4, 2011 @ 1:26 pm

  25. Yeah. I don’t think anyone compares to his a) longevity, b) mediocrity, c) lack of ‘stuff’, and d) ability to throw 900 innings every year.

    Comment by Yirmiyahu — August 4, 2011 @ 1:27 pm

  26. I second the Arroyo nomination.

    Comment by Brian — August 4, 2011 @ 1:45 pm

  27. No pitcher reminded me of seeing Livan Hernandez pitch every fifth day as much as Kevin Correia. Accordingly I shall nominate him.

    Comment by Naveed — August 4, 2011 @ 1:47 pm

  28. Quote from Correia’s Wikipedia page:

    During his time with the Pittsburgh Pirates, it was determined that Correia was in fact “The Drizzle”, a ficticious character from Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000). This lead to many fans coming to PNC Park for Correia’s home starts wearing shirts that read “Who Is The Drizzle?”.

    Comment by Naveed — August 4, 2011 @ 1:49 pm

  29. I second the nomination.

    Comment by Darien — August 4, 2011 @ 2:49 pm

  30. He fails the qualification of “This guy seems like Livan Hernandez more than Livan Hernandez does”.

    He also has never made me think he makes love like a godhead.

    He is, however, both frumpy looking and durable. Livan Hernandez fails half the qualifications set forth for being Livan Hernandez.

    Comment by glassSheets — August 4, 2011 @ 3:56 pm

  31. Javier Vasquez.

    Comment by Morse — August 4, 2011 @ 4:30 pm

  32. I agree. It really suits him.

    Comment by MikeS — August 4, 2011 @ 7:55 pm

  33. The Twins iteration of Carl Pavano fits most of that.

    Comment by MikeS — August 4, 2011 @ 7:56 pm

  34. Thirded

    Comment by JMal — August 4, 2011 @ 8:15 pm

  35. Fourthed

    Comment by Scott Kazmir's Talent — August 4, 2011 @ 10:30 pm

  36. And fifthed. His was the first name to pop to mind.

    Comment by John — August 4, 2011 @ 10:35 pm

  37. Unless Livan has just been hurt his entire career and just never bothered to tell anyone. It would explain his 85 MPH fastball and absolute disinterest in throwing a real curveball.

    Comment by Bryz — August 4, 2011 @ 11:25 pm

  38. I think the real Livan Hernandez’s nickname should be “Miracle Baby”

    Like, one of those kids born without arms or eyes who against-all-odds will their way to actually attending some form of pre-school. That’s Livan Hernandez.

    Comment by EMD — August 4, 2011 @ 11:28 pm

  39. Shoot, that’s too close to “Bad Miracle.”

    Oh well, Livan Hernandez is really … Rubby De La Rosa. Maybe add a “Jr.” on the end and you’ve got something. Livan Hernandez, Jr.

    Comment by EMD — August 4, 2011 @ 11:30 pm

  40. Bruce Chen. And together we call them the Slow Bros.

    Comment by Chuck Burly — August 4, 2011 @ 11:32 pm

  41. Freddy Garcia

    Comment by therood — August 5, 2011 @ 9:13 am

  42. If we’re going for a Twins starter, I’d say Nick Blackburn over Pavano.

    Comment by Dan Wade — August 9, 2011 @ 4:44 pm

  43. Want to take back that comment now? Dickey is an ace, bro.

    Comment by sooo — June 27, 2012 @ 1:10 am

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