NotGraphs Baseball

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  1. No Ty Cobb? He’d fit in half those categories.

    Comment by DD — January 11, 2012 @ 9:45 am

  2. Wade Boggs.
    Randy Johnson.
    Ty Cobb.
    Pete Rose.
    Keith Hernandez.

    Comment by Yirmiyahu — January 11, 2012 @ 9:51 am

  3. Gossage too perhaps? And sticking with the staches, Fingers?

    Comment by DD — January 11, 2012 @ 9:59 am

  4. Babe Ruth? For Love of Meat and Scotch (or Beer)

    Comment by Mike J — January 11, 2012 @ 10:00 am

  5. It seems like Albert Belle deserves to belong somewhere in this rogues gallery.

    Comment by JWO — January 11, 2012 @ 10:02 am

  6. Sorry, but Hernandez’ shilling for mustache dye is an immediate disqualifier.

    Hard to say, but Rose’ similar work for Vitalis in the ’70s would probably have the same effect.

    Not to mention: Swanson’s love for Bob Knight suggests a healthy respect for a certain type of rule-following. Boggs (cork), Cobb (everything) , and Rose (gambling, perhaps cork) all cheated, in one way or another.

    Comment by DB Cooper — January 11, 2012 @ 10:03 am

  7. Rick Monday (Mustache, Acts Becoming A Great American)

    Joe Schultz (Contributions to Managing Wisdom “Throw him low smoke and we’ll go pound some Budweiser” and Language “shxtfxck”)

    Doc Ellis (Iconoclasm, LSD, and when he hit the first three batters intentionally.)

    Comment by Cris E — January 11, 2012 @ 10:29 am

  8. For toughness: Darryl Kile. Never missed a start in his career. The only thing that ever prevented him from taking the mound was death.

    Comment by Atom — January 11, 2012 @ 10:50 am

  9. Stieb’s stache > Morris’ stache.

    Stieb forever.

    Comment by Navin Vaswani — January 11, 2012 @ 10:53 am

  10. cobb and ellis 2nded

    Comment by chiefglockandhummer — January 11, 2012 @ 10:57 am

  11. Blatant Disdain for Unnecessary Rules and Regulations: Dock fucking Ellis.

    Comment by Resolution — January 11, 2012 @ 11:00 am

  12. It looks like Swanson is an O’s fan.

    Comment by Kyle — January 11, 2012 @ 11:01 am

  13. Toughness: Ted “Double Duty” Radcliffe.

    Comment by olethros — January 11, 2012 @ 11:03 am

  14. I think Ron Swanson would appreciate knuckleballers. That’s the pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps pitch, hands down. Tim Wakefield, Charlie Hough and the Niekros should be on this list.

    Comment by Steve — January 11, 2012 @ 11:41 am

  15. Toughness HAS to include Thurman Munson.

    Comment by David — January 11, 2012 @ 11:58 am

  16. Ugueth Urbina tried to kill some dudes too…just sayin.

    Comment by orfo — January 11, 2012 @ 12:01 pm

  17. No conversation about throwing at guys whilst on drugs would be complete without a Pascual Perez reference…

    Comment by orfo — January 11, 2012 @ 12:03 pm

  18. A knuckleball is a pansy pitch. Real men throw fastballs. Hell, real men throw nothing but fastballs. Goose Gossage.

    Comment by Yirmiyahu — January 11, 2012 @ 12:15 pm

  19. I really don’t think Ron Swanson is down for murderers (Mays/Urbina) or bullies (Belle). His gruff exterior belies a kind heart. Just sayin.

    That said, I’d like to second Rick Monday. Saving the American Flag from a bunch of dirty hippies? That is the stuff inner-circle Ron Swanson Hall of Famers are made of.

    Comment by mkd — January 11, 2012 @ 12:19 pm

  20. What about Jeff Baggwell and his eating of 30 pounds of meat daily.

    Comment by gu03alum — January 11, 2012 @ 12:31 pm

  21. Disregard for rules: Steve Carlton. All-time leader with 90 balks. Second-place balk issuer stopped at 45.

    But yes, Dock Ellis. Dock Ellis.

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — January 11, 2012 @ 12:58 pm

  22. Not all inductees need be players. As woodworking is very high on the pyramid, I believe Ron Swanson would want to honor Bud Hillerich, who used his skills to hand-craft his first baseball bat in 1884 for a local player who’d broken his bat the day before. Hillerich eventually transformed his father’s stair railing and porch column shop into the Louisville Slugger brand.

    Comment by Lukehart80 — January 11, 2012 @ 1:17 pm

  23. Shawn Chacon for killing a man.

    Comment by D — January 11, 2012 @ 1:31 pm

  24. This is hard to explain, but I forget his name…

    The guy that did things like running from 1st to 3rd when the umpire wasn’t looking. He also declared himself in the game so he could step out of the dugout and catch a foul ball.

    He played in the 1800s and found all sorts of loop holes & rules that could be exploited.

    Comment by Mike Luna — January 11, 2012 @ 1:48 pm

  25. You’re thinking of King Kelly, himself the purveyor of a fine moustache

    Comment by The Common Man — January 11, 2012 @ 1:51 pm

  26. The eephus is the real pansy pitch. The knuckleball is just an eephus with a mind of its own.

    Comment by Bryz — January 11, 2012 @ 1:58 pm

  27. Bill Veeck for sending a squat, Eddie Gaedel, to bat in a MLB game. And then Ron would elect the squat.

    Comment by PressPass — January 11, 2012 @ 2:11 pm

  28. Pascual Perez is my life coach

    Comment by Erik Archer — January 11, 2012 @ 2:25 pm

  29. Earl Weaver, for reasons I’m sure I don’t need to explain.

    Jamie Moyer (evenually) for stubbornly refusing to concede the battle against being really, really old.

    Livan Hernandez (also eventually) for somehow continuing to get employed even though he’s the very very most hittable pitcher of all time.

    Tim Raines because oh my god Ron Swanson would not be this obtuse.

    John Kruk for his love of meat products and his appearance on Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

    Comment by Darien — January 11, 2012 @ 2:43 pm

  30. Also John Kruk, for once telling a female fan, as he lounged against the rail smoking a cigarette, that he was “not an athlete, I’m a baseball player.”

    Comment by olethros — January 11, 2012 @ 3:07 pm

  31. Livan Hernandez did cross my mind. Especially if it’s true that he lets drug dealers operate out of the giant garage he keeps his luxury cars in.

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — January 11, 2012 @ 3:23 pm

  32. Yes, exactly. The Ron Swanson of his day.

    Comment by Mike Luna — January 11, 2012 @ 3:23 pm

  33. You don’t understand the Tao of Swanson. He appreciates hard work above all else, and knuckleballers had to do a lot of that to stick around.

    Also, I like to think he’d beat the tar out of AJ Pierzynski if afforded the opportunity.

    Comment by Steve — January 11, 2012 @ 5:00 pm

  34. Carlton Fisk for his stubbornness, disdain for communication with others he doesn’t want to deal with, and showing Deion Sanders his own Pyramid of How to Play Baseball, during a game nonetheless. And toughness.

    Comment by Pudge Kuzlik — January 11, 2012 @ 5:35 pm

  35. i was going to say Munson but David beat me

    Comment by bowie — January 11, 2012 @ 6:21 pm

  36. Just sayin’.

    Comment by jerkstore mike — January 11, 2012 @ 6:30 pm

  37. Chipper Jones for his many, many illegitimate Hooters children.

    Comment by Harry Palmz — January 12, 2012 @ 12:11 am

  38. Three Fingers Brown – because he pitched with three fingers!

    Comment by MC — January 13, 2012 @ 2:11 pm

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