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  1. Mr. Cistulli,

    Thank you very much for your impressive application and cover letter. As you well know, my staff and I are very big fans of what you do at Fangraphs, and we like to believe that we are imbued in the, shall we say, Fangraphical philosophy of baseball team construction. To that end there are a few questions I wish to put to you before we arrange a formal interview; to begin: how frequently do you blink?

    Best regards,
    Jeff

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman Pretending to Be Jeff Luhnow — January 25, 2012 @ 3:51 pm

  2. Mr. Cistulli,

    Do you have any former Philadelphia Phillies prospects in your possession? If so, I am willing to trade my wife and children for them.

    Sincerely,
    Ed Wade

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman Pretending to Be Ed Wade — January 25, 2012 @ 3:53 pm

  3. The good news is, you’re fired.

    Comment by Kyle — January 25, 2012 @ 3:53 pm

  4. Mr. Best Face,

    We’ve been looking for someone with a Scottish accent to take over pitching development for our franchise. Meet me at Chris Tillman’s house in 15 minutes. Bring a voodoo doll and a fistful of dirt. Wear a red carnation.

    Surreptitiously,
    Mr. Big Bird

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman Pretending to Be Dan Duquette — January 25, 2012 @ 4:18 pm

  5. Put. That coffee. Down. Coffee’s for closers, or at least Mike Adams level set up men.

    Comment by danny woytek — January 25, 2012 @ 4:27 pm

  6. Based on what went down yesterday, I encourage you to direct a similar letter to the General Manager of the Detroit Tigers, Mike Ilitch.

    Comment by reillocity — January 25, 2012 @ 4:33 pm

  7. I recall writing the first two comments, but not this one. Too many damned pints.

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — January 25, 2012 @ 4:35 pm

  8. Speaking of pints and Englishman, today’s guest on the podcast is Craig Robinson of Flip Flop Fly Ball.

    He cursed during the middle of taping bc Man City scored on L’pool.

    Comment by Carson Cistulli — January 25, 2012 @ 4:37 pm

  9. Did you remind him of that time Team USA scored on G’Britain in 1776?

    #TheseColorsDon’tRun
    #FlagsFlyForever

    Comment by Resolution — January 25, 2012 @ 5:47 pm

  10. Keeping the name alive.

    Comment by Marshall — January 25, 2012 @ 6:23 pm

  11. You’re jacking my plans, yo.

    JKJKJKJKJK

    Comment by Summer Anne — January 25, 2012 @ 6:33 pm

  12. “What is qualified? What have I been qualified for in my life? I haven’t been qualified to be a mayor. I’m not qualified to be a songwriter. I’m not qualified to be a TV producer. I’m not qualified to be a successful businessman. And so, I don’t know what qualified means.”
    - Sonny Bono, expert skiier

    Comment by Nikolai — January 25, 2012 @ 7:03 pm

  13. You have $0.79? You’re hired if you give it to me.

    Comment by Jeff Loria circa 2008 — January 25, 2012 @ 7:16 pm

  14. Oh wait, we’re trading you to the Red Sox for a PTBNL and cash considerations.

    Comment by Jeff Loria circa 2008 — January 25, 2012 @ 7:17 pm

  15. Carson, you forgot to use the word “leverage”. For example, I leveraged the 79 cents in my pocket to buy a cup of coffee.

    Comment by Thelonious — January 25, 2012 @ 7:36 pm

  16. In a more perfect world, your tombstone would read:
    “Utilized unnecessarily ornate verbiage for effect”

    Comment by _ — January 25, 2012 @ 7:43 pm

  17. This is absolutely Wodehousian.

    Comment by MikeofWellington — January 25, 2012 @ 9:26 pm

  18. If the Astros hire you, I’ll buy season tickets. And I live in Chicago.

    Comment by MikeS — January 25, 2012 @ 10:27 pm

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