NotGraphs Baseball


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  1. I would like to try a box of each, if that can be arranged. Except for the Sexual Chocolate. Sounds delicious but I would prefer to avoid impregnation.

    Comment by Max — February 22, 2012 @ 1:33 pm

  2. “You’ll go Ma-Ma for Napoli’s Sexual Chocolate.”

    Comment by Damaso's Burnt Shirt — February 22, 2012 @ 2:10 pm

  3. Into what bodily opening were these people putting their Mike Napoli breakfast cereal?

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — February 22, 2012 @ 2:43 pm

  4. I think the answer here is a cereal bath. A relaxing, nutritious, and filling concoction of cereal and milk you eat as you soak.

    Comment by glassSheets — February 22, 2012 @ 3:40 pm

  5. Billy Beane Crunch: a bunch of other, almost-stale cereals mixed together

    Comment by Alan — February 22, 2012 @ 4:27 pm

  6. The recipe always changes. Some years (such as in the 2000s) it was good, but lately it’s been rather terrible. Amazing that there are no plans to get rid of it until 2019 at the earliest.

    Comment by Bryz — February 22, 2012 @ 5:48 pm

  7. BREAKING NEWS: Los angeles Angels manager Mike Scossia has announced he will be giving birth to triplets in October and could go on maternity leave should the Angels make the postseason. Scossia had been trying to conceive all winter by eating large amounts of Napoli’s Sexual Chocolate cereal. Afer eating 6 boxes on January 9th he finally filled himself up with enough “NAP JUICE” to become Pregnant with the triplets. Regretting his treatment and eventual trade of Napoli to the Blue Jays for Vernon Wells, Scossia had been scheming for a way to get Napoli back on the team, but Nolan Ryan laughed in his face when Scossia offered up Wells and Hank Conger in order to get Napoli back. “It really was a no brainer to conceive once Nap’s cereal hit the market” Scossia says. “Now I get to groom three youngsters with Napoli’s bat and my defense to be the future catchers of the Angels.” Once they are born Scossia plans on sending the three youngsters to the same lab where Ted Williams head is being stored. The scientists their say they can age the three siblings at an accelerated race so that all three will be ready for spring training in 2013. Reportedly Owner Artie Moreno will be paying for the accelerated aging procedure. Moreno has requested that DNA be taken from Williams skull and injected into the siblings to assure they all have 20/10 vision. Scossia’s plan may be thwarted though as Napoli is already filing paperwork calling for custody of the triplets. “I don’t want some weirdo old guy who ate my man juice raising my kids” says Napoli.

    Comment by shane — February 22, 2012 @ 7:19 pm

  8. Oh thats wht’a in Napoli’s cereal, I thought it was white chocolate cereal.

    Comment by shane — February 22, 2012 @ 7:32 pm

  9. There’s also Bartolo Colon’s “Colon Blast!” Now with extra stem cells.

    Comment by TheGrandslamwich — February 22, 2012 @ 7:43 pm

  10. “What can a man do but sit in his own defecation and watch the sun set?” -George Brett, June 2, 2009 broadcast between Royals and Twins

    Comment by Shin-soo CHOOOOOOOOOO — February 22, 2012 @ 7:59 pm

  11. Coco Crispies still snap, crackle and pop the competition. Although, Honey Nut Theri-ots are tasty and delicious.

    Comment by deadhead — February 22, 2012 @ 8:05 pm

  12. When will the False Fact follow up article be up?

    Comment by deadhead — February 22, 2012 @ 8:07 pm

  13. did George Brett really say that?

    Comment by shane — February 22, 2012 @ 8:28 pm

  14. You knocked it out of the park with this one Carson. It sounds like Pap’s Extreme has bath salt or plant food in it.

    Comment by shane — February 22, 2012 @ 8:32 pm

  15. Conception: A+
    Execution: B


    Comment by cecilcoop — February 22, 2012 @ 11:11 pm

  16. +1 for Honey Nut Theriots.

    Comment by Bryz — February 22, 2012 @ 11:48 pm

  17. Nolan Ryan’s Special Ks?
    Bran-don League Flakes?
    Jim Rice Crispies?
    Bran Buds Harrelson?

    I could keep going, but somehow the Twittersphere has anticipated this post and deluged me with messages to STOP!!!!

    Comment by bluejaysstatsgeek — February 23, 2012 @ 12:23 am

  18. Nah, that’s already out there:

    Comment by steex — February 23, 2012 @ 11:32 am

  19. Loganberry Morrison Crunch

    Comment by Mac — February 23, 2012 @ 1:49 pm

  20. The Royals didn’t play the Twins that day, so I’d guess not. Not that the Royals playing the Twins was the believable part…

    Comment by Nik — February 23, 2012 @ 2:38 pm

  21. Coco Crisp


    Comment by Jon S. — February 23, 2012 @ 3:12 pm

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