NotGraphs Baseball

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  1. “I write about baseball players and their underwhelming genitalia.”

    Comment by Zach Sanders — August 31, 2012 @ 11:33 am

  2. “I compare the characteristics of various baseball players to different types of cheese.”

    Comment by Patrick Dubuque — August 31, 2012 @ 11:35 am

  3. I write for a site that is not Fangraphs.

    Comment by DD — August 31, 2012 @ 11:55 am

  4. “You know when the foreman steps out for a bit and most of the guys turn off their lathes, drill presses, or what have you*, and then just hang out and shoot the shit about life, the job, the industry, or whatever? I kinda do that about baseball in an extremely informal capacity.”

    *feel free to substitute whatever style of occupation fits best.

    Comment by Resolution — August 31, 2012 @ 11:55 am

  5. “…and then assign them amusingly apt nicknames.”

    Comment by scout1222 — August 31, 2012 @ 11:55 am

  6. “I write articles for a Baseball Website that is part encyclopedia, part Wall Street Journal like in its in-depth daily annalists, and part Mad Magazine for a bit of a lighter side – which is where I come in.”

    Comment by JoeyO — August 31, 2012 @ 11:56 am

  7. “I write about baseball, except for the actual sports part”

    Comment by Person — August 31, 2012 @ 12:02 pm

  8. OR

    Q: What would you say you do there?
    A: Plops.

    Comment by Resolution — August 31, 2012 @ 12:04 pm

  9. “I write letters to Santa Claus about baseball.”

    Comment by olethros — August 31, 2012 @ 12:14 pm

  10. “I comment on the meaningless of life in between Packer games. KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHN”. The Kuhn part requires you to raise your High Life above your head as hold the U in a somehow off tune monotone.

    Comment by Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets — August 31, 2012 @ 12:34 pm

  11. You can tell them that you’re Amy Adams to Dave Cameron’s Clint Eastwood…

    Comment by David — August 31, 2012 @ 12:40 pm

  12. “I’m a Shepherd”

    Comment by Fletch F. Fletch — August 31, 2012 @ 12:50 pm

  13. I write stories and crack jokes about silly things that happen in baseball games.

    Comment by ElJosharino — August 31, 2012 @ 12:53 pm

  14. And have an example ready. “In one game I noticed that some players were doing a funny handshake, so I made a short video of it and put the video on the website and pointed out how it’s a funny handshake because in every day life people don’t touch other people’s butts like that, and then I made jokes with the word butt and then some strangers who saw my video posted more butt jokes and talked about other funny handshakes.”

    Comment by ElJosharino — August 31, 2012 @ 12:57 pm

  15. “You know those funny cat pictures that populate the internet? I make those, but about baseball.”

    Comment by Eric — August 31, 2012 @ 1:14 pm

  16. Just bring your Scott Hatteberg bobblehead…it will either help answer questions or will distract relatives with the bobbing-head motion.

    Comment by Clark D — August 31, 2012 @ 1:17 pm

  17. I find that if you want to get out of this sort of conversation quickly, the best way is to reinforce the stereotype that the questioner already has.

    So maybe: “I sit in the basement, drink Mountain Dew, eat Bugles and stare at the computer too much.”

    Comment by MikeS — August 31, 2012 @ 1:31 pm

  18. “I write for an Internet site where young men satisfy their fantasy needs.”

    Comment by Otherwise Entirely Cheerful Reader — August 31, 2012 @ 2:12 pm

  19. Let me add that your obsessive concern for how you look to others will cause you to miss the opportunity to meet someone who has guns, Leinenkugel and ATVs, to wrangle an invite and to drunkenly shoot some shit up.

    Comment by Otherwise Entirely Cheerful Reader — August 31, 2012 @ 2:16 pm

  20. I think you nailed it with unicorn rancher. Maybe go with underground unicorn rancher. Harden it up a bit. If they know anything about the underground unicorn industry, they will back the F off.

    Comment by Choo — August 31, 2012 @ 2:21 pm

  21. Tell them you’re just like Carrie Bradshaw, only for baseball

    Comment by NatsFan73 — August 31, 2012 @ 2:26 pm

  22. Or you can just say that you’re a blogger. Some of them will be at least passingly familiar with the interwebs, and will have heard the term. They won’t actually know what it means, but they will recognize that and at least at that point you’ll have placed the onus of looking silly back on them.

    Comment by NatsFan73 — August 31, 2012 @ 2:28 pm

  23. NotGraphs is a daily literary baseball electronic magazine for the leisured gentleman.

    Comment by Navin Vaswani — August 31, 2012 @ 2:38 pm

  24. I hope the conversation really goes like:

    Family member #1: ‘Yo David G. Temple, I know NotGraphs is the premiere daily literary baseball electronic magazine for leisured gentlemen and all that, but what do you do there specifically?

    David G. Temple: ….

    Comment by Resolution — August 31, 2012 @ 3:13 pm

  25. This is actually fairly good. “I write for the joke page of a baseball newspaper.”

    Comment by Well-Beered Englishman — August 31, 2012 @ 4:42 pm

  26. I make jokes with funny named latino players

    Comment by Uncle Remus — August 31, 2012 @ 6:46 pm

  27. I feverishly masterbate whilst perusing the WARs of any Negro League Baseball players weighing in at over 200 lbs. I am not deemed important enough to have a corner office, in which to do this, but I do use the handicap stall at my local Barnes and Noble.

    Comment by deadhead — September 1, 2012 @ 12:04 pm

  28. Leo Durocher said “Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand.” You are like a pastor helping the many learn more.

    Comment by Karl — September 1, 2012 @ 6:38 pm

  29. Change the subject to “So, are you a fan of New Glarus?”

    More seriously, say that you write about the humorous side of baseball. Players with funny names, goofy handshakes, assigning nicknames to players, etc. I think that would be easy to understand.

    Comment by Bryz — September 2, 2012 @ 1:45 pm

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