NotGraphs Baseball


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  1. I don’t come to NotGraphs to get homework assignments, Comrade Cistulli.

    Take your act back to Communist Russia where it belongs.

    Comment by Zach Sanders — September 21, 2012 @ 12:26 am

  2. Returning to the Communist version of Russia would, of course, necessitate time travel — something of which only real luminaries, like great Swedish actor Max von Sydow, are capable.

    Comment by Carson Cistulli — September 21, 2012 @ 12:29 am

  3. Compare
    Both images feature attractive (and spoken for) ladies.

    Only one of the attractive (and spoken for) ladies has been portrayed in classic Disney cinema as what Mr. Cistulli once dubbed a “hot fox.”

    Comment by JT — September 21, 2012 @ 2:22 am

  4. Compare: both images feature a man with a stubble beard

    Contrast: the horses in the picture on the left have built up sexual tension and need be be manually manipulated to relieve the tension.

    Comment by Paul — September 21, 2012 @ 6:48 am

  5. Compare: Both images contain trees.

    Contrast: The appropriate riding attire of the time period has gotten significantly less impressive.

    Comment by Pinstripe Wizard — September 21, 2012 @ 8:20 am

  6. A little disappointed. I opened this link expecting to find “Compare and Contrast: Adam Eaton to Adam Eaton”, where one of them was the former pitcher of no great achievement.

    Comment by David — September 21, 2012 @ 10:14 am

  7. Compare: the presence of bearded gentlemen who, by dint of their respective professions and reputations, embody the zeitgeist of their respective nations, accompanied by pulchritudinous women of said nations.

    Contrast: the countenances of the subjects in the photos above, and the reasons for said expressions. The pulled-down backwards cap and hollow grins on the left are clear indicators of the crushing ennui that no amount of money, aesthetically pleasing spouses, or horseback riding in the idyllic wood can stave off. The squinting frown of Mr Crowe and the slightly rouged and sallow look of Ms Blanchett on right, in contrast, expresses nothing save the ravages of frequent and enthusiastic wrestling matches with that dread scoundrel, Victoria Bitter, the last of which had occurred the night prior in Mr Crowe’s luxurious double-wide.

    Comment by dp — September 21, 2012 @ 10:27 am

  8. Dammit, i thought you were going to compare and contrast Adam Eatons.

    Comment by Big Jgke — September 21, 2012 @ 10:37 am

  9. For twenty bucks and a taste of your whiskey, I’ll git ‘er done – and give them stallions a happy ending, if ya know what I mean.

    Comment by The Horse Whisperer — September 21, 2012 @ 1:39 pm

  10. likewise

    Comment by kdm628496 — September 21, 2012 @ 10:59 pm

  11. Carson,

    I was unable to submit the following request via the “NotGraphs Hot Hotline” because either I am technically inept or because the link is broken. So, below is a submittal of utmost importance.

    Submittal Title: Theme in Search of NotGraphs Series

    A friend of mine stumbled upon a grand idea. As responsible shepherds of the idea, we thought it best to be handed over to professionals for proper execution that is commensurate with its inherent greatness. So, please think of this post as us giving you a seed. We hope that you accept our seed, care for it, water it, and nurture it, so that it can give birth to a beautiful, healthy, blubbering, defecating, sickly NotGraphs Series. You should be pleased to know that you won out over a number of accomplished surrogates.

    The Seed: A friend of mine, we’ll call him “Gould Shaw”, is a masochist who loves civil war history and all things terribly boring. As such he frequently consumes books on tape. During a discussion on potential walk-up music during a baseball game, he said that his walk-up music would either be eerie silence or a book on tape (Beawoulf- as translated and read by Seamus Haney).

    This lead to a series of interesting questions that need to be explored. What would be an appropriate book on tape for any given player? Would Cal Ripken have been able to get through Brother Karamazov in his career? (We concluded that he could not) Could you map players’ careers to books of appropriate length? What would fangraphs writers’ corresponding books on tapes be? Who would map to Infinite Jest? (Yuniesky? Jamie Moyer?)

    Ultimately, this lead to us combining baseball players’ names with classic works of fiction? (Old Man and the C.C. Sabathia, Matt Diaz I Lay Dying, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence, For Whom the Jay Bell tolls, etc.) That is on the table as well.

    We do surely hope that the NotGraphs community is able to adopt this bastard idea and make it into a movie starring Robin Williams and Minnie Driver. If nothing else, this series would probably gain you about 15 readers, which I believe may double your readership. Alright, I have to go troll on Dayn Perry’s “Eye on Baseball” posts. Cheerio!

    Comment by Jaybo Shaw — September 22, 2012 @ 10:15 am

  12. Yes, the first sentence of the second-to-last paragraphs is a question, regardless of what standards of the English language would lead you to believe.

    Comment by Jaybo Shaw — September 22, 2012 @ 10:18 am

  13. Compare: All four of the horses are well-restrained by leather accoutrements.

    Contrast: Only the woman on the left appears to be wearing a dog collar.

    Comment by Tim — September 23, 2012 @ 5:33 pm

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