__ Amendment Night at the Ballpark

I’m late with this news, but (hat tip: Sportsgrid.com and Baseball Think Factory) last Wednesday, the Huntsville Stars hosted 2nd Amendment Night, with free admission for NRA cardholders and a raffle to win a gun. There are lots of posts someone could write in response to this, but I’m going to write this one.


1st Amendment Night. Featuring a mid-game rally for better players, and a prize given to the fan who yells the most obscene insult at an opposing player.

3rd Amendment Night. Where the Color Guard will not be allowed to leave.

4th Amendment Night. Hope you didn’t bring any drugs into the stadium, because we’re going to find them.

5th Amendment Night. One team is going to lose the same game twice!

6th Amendment Night. [Rescheduled for next season.]

7th Amendment Night. No umpires.

8th Amendment Night. Ticket prices are doubled, and– guess what– we’re going to force you to watch the Astros!

13th Amendment Night. One fan will win a chance to clean the entire stadium, with no compensation.

18th Amendment Night. Enjoy your free Chocolate Milk.

19th Amendment Night. I think I already wrote about this one.

21st Amendment Night. The beer is back.

This concludes the only NotGraphs post that requires a working knowledge of the Constitution (or this link to Wikipedia) to even have a chance to make sense.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

6 Responses to “__ Amendment Night at the Ballpark”

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  1. Jeremy Blachman says:

    …and if you enjoyed that one, here’s a tiny bit of self-promotion in the comments — I’ve got a humor piece up on Gawker’s Valleywag site today. Feel free to check it out: The Foie Gras Fountain is in Conference Room B.. (Satirizing the perks of startup culture.) I can only hope that if NotGraphs had an office, they’d be feeding us well.

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  2. Benzedrine says:

    I think Dayn Perry mentioned somewhere that the 2nd Amendment Night was cancelled for obvious reasons.

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  3. LSAT under 150 says:

    As a pre-law student, I know nothing about the US amendments nor anything about science.

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  4. mrfood says:

    You left out:

    14th Amendment Night: one team wears cups, the other does not receive equal protection.

    15th Amendment Night: All Star voting isn’t for everyone, guys.

    17th Amendment Night: Vote directly for the GM to keep/lose his job.

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