A Day in the Year 1915, in 2015

The-Metamorphosis-Franz-Kafka-by-Mina-Bach

The Atlanta Braves celebrated the centennial anniversary of the franchise’s World Series title over the Boston Athletics recently by wearing replica 1914 uniforms and showcasing their base-ball skills in the absence of modern music. Despite the vomiting, diarrhea and night sweats of fans pretending (quite convincingly, it turns out) to suffer under the incipient flu pandemic, the Braves considered it a great success, so much so that they’re now planning an August 18, 2015, commemoration of the 100-year anniversary of the old Braves Field.

What follows is the list of scheduled on-field tributes to the year 1915:

Each player will wear a replica 1915 uniform.

The stadium will feature a manually operated scoreboard.

The sound system will carry the popular songs of the day.

Freddie Freeman will sign the Treaty of London.

B.J. Upton will be sworn in as Portuguese President Teofilo Braga.

Chris Johnson will set an altitude record of 11,690 feet.

Julio Teheran will patent the neon discharge tube.

David Hale will make the first coast-to-coast telephone call.

Andrelton Simmons will formulate the theory of general relativity.

(Unknown free agent acquisition) will write “In Flanders Fields.”

Alex Wood will establish the Second Asquith Ministry.

Evan Gattis will hit the first home run of Babe Ruth’s career.

(Triple-A call-up) will form the Ancient Mystical Order Rosae Crucis.

Kris Medlen will establish Rocky Mountain National Park.

Craig Kimbrel will write, and subsequently publish, The Metamorphosis.

Jason Heyward will declare himself Yuan Shikai, Emperor of China.

(Trade deadline acquisition) will found the British Women’s Institute.

Brandon Beachy will pitch Jimmy Lavender’s no-hitter against the Giants.

Tommy La Stella will erect the first stop sign in Detroit.

Mike Minor will earn a patent for the Raggedy Ann doll.

Ramiro Peña will become the first actress to go nude in a mainstream movie.

Emilio Bonifacio will enter the world as future Norwegian composer Knut Nystedt.

Jordan Walden will exit the world as Porfirio Diaz, onetime Mexican President.




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John, who has also written under the pseudonym "Azure Texan," writes for both The Hardball Times and NotGraphs.


7 Responses to “A Day in the Year 1915, in 2015”

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  1. Sport Sullivan says:

    It was the Boston Braves over the Philadlphia Athletics. Now get off my rubble strewn alley.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Paul G. says:

      John Paschal will make the first successful time travel attempt and change all the history books so the Whatever Braves beat the Boston Athletics in the 1914 World Series. He may also buy a corn dog, if they are invented, and if not he will buy an ear of corn and a dog and glue them together.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Grandpa says:

    1915? I hope all the players are dressed in “White-face”.

    +9 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. FlapperTapper says:

    …..AND…for the ladies….

    http://www.flappercostumes.com/

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Bryz says:

    #RetainNotGraphs

    +8 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. P Hound says:

    Dan Uggla will perish aboard the Lusitania.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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