A-Rod and Jeter Talk A.J. Burnett

A.J. Burnett got rocked. Again. By the Baltimore Orioles, no less.

Burnett’s August numbers are straight ghoulish. He’s allowed 30 runs in 22.2 innings, and 44 hits. Forty-four. So long, WHIP! August opponents — Baltimore, Minnesota, Kansas City, Los Angeles, and Chicago — have teed off of A.J., to the tune of a .415 batting average.

While the New York Yankees remain a lock for the postseason, Burnett’s teammates have had just about enough. In the second inning of Friday night’s game in Baltimore, NotGraphs’ omnipresent Investigative Reporting Investigation Team overheard the following conversation between Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez:

A-Rod: Baltimore, man. Baltimore.

Jeter: I’ll be honest. I miss her.

A-Rod: What? Oh, Minka. Focus, Captain.

Jeter: Sorry. At least he cut his damn hair.

A-Rod: Good point.

Jeter: This is why I’m The Captain, and you’re not.

A-Rod: So, A.J. had an opt-out in his last contract. You think Cashman negotiated one for himself? Something’s got to give.

Jeter: The Captain doubts it.

A-Rod: Again with the third-person stuff? I wish we could send him back to Toronto.

Jeter: That’s not going to happen. Burnett’s the type of player, with the type of contract, that Alex Anthopoulos trades, not acquires. Let’s face it: We’re screwed.

A-Rod: He’s so overpaid.

Jeter: We’re Yankees, Alex. We’re all overpaid. Especially me. And Jorge. Definitely Jorge.

A-Rod: Second baseman Jorge! But, I mean, really overpaid.

Jeter: Minka.

A-Rod: What?

Jeter: Nothing.

A-Rod: Permission to call A.J. “Irene”?

Jeter: I’ll think about it. Let’s talk after the game.

A-Rod: Cool. I borrowed Cashman’s Objectivity Pipe. I’ll bring it.

Jeter: We’re going to need it.

Image credit: Reuters, via daylife.




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Navin Vaswani is a replacement-level writer. Follow him on Twitter.

7 Responses to “A-Rod and Jeter Talk A.J. Burnett”

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  1. TheBigDawg says:

    That one made me smile out loud.

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  2. JdeWitt88 says:

    No poker references?

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  3. Ryan says:

    When I showed my coworker (who doesn’t know anything about baseball) the clip of a catcher playing 2nd base for the first time in his MLB career, He said “The Yankees are trolling in real life.”

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  4. flying knee says:

    Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

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  5. hosting says:

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  6. Music began playing anytime I opened up this web page, so annoying!

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