A Statement by Max Scherzer Regarding His Injury


While Max Scherzer’s shoulder is tired, his capacity for experiencing awe is constantly renewed.

Detroit Tigers right-hander and perpetual case study in human potential Max Scherzer was removed after two innings from his start on Tuesday due to “shoulder fatigue.” While an MRI revealed no structural damage, Scherzer and the organization will proceed with caution.

To address concerns about his health, the Tigers media relations staff has distributed the following statement, composed (it seems) entirely by Scherzer himself.

It’s almost impossible, in light of my recent medical concern, not to be reminded of that great record-keeper of the ephemeral, Tang Dynasty poet Tu Fu — his entire oeuvre, really (or, as much of it as is available to a commoner like me, whose Chinese has suffered from disuse in recent years), but, in particular, the second section of his poem “Meandering River”, which David Young translates as follows in his excellent collection from Oberlin’s Field Translation Series:

Daily, after Court
I take my clothes to the pawnshop

every night
I come back from the riverbank, drunk

I have an unpaid bill
in every tavern

well, who lives to be seventy
anyway?

butterflies
deep in the flowers

dragonflies
flicking the river’s surface

let them all go on
time and the wind and the light

since we’re told not to defy them
let’s enjoy them while we can!

As a pitcher of some talent — one who has enjoyed particular success of late — I’ve had the fortune to participate very briefly in that provision of the marvelous that Tu Fu invokes apropos the butterflies, dragonflies, and life’s other fleeting pleasures. And, just as it would be bad form for a flower to lament the wilting of its petals, it would be equally uncouth for me to rail against the natural limits of my own right arm. For whatever I’ve provided the people of Detroit — and baseballing enthusiasts, generally — I’m constantly and unshakingly grateful. Would I like to pitch — and pitch well — again? Yes, entirely. And I will endeavor to do that with the help of the Detroit Tigers medical staff. Would I be content without doing so, though? Yes: that, too.




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

4 Responses to “A Statement by Max Scherzer Regarding His Injury”

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  1. phenom1984 says:

    Pitchers are weird.

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  2. Kyle says:

    The Avant-Garde Sportsman’s greatest NotGraphs content yet.

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  3. Adam says:

    I can’t tell if he’s sort of crazy, or just trolling everyone.

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  4. Disclaimer says:

    You’re on notgraphs. This is fiction. Dale Thayer didn’t smoke meth, pound icehouse, and later notch a save earlier this year. Okay, the first two statements are definitely true.

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