Abbott and Costello Discuss The Pirates’ Trade

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ABBOTT
Who’d the Pirates just get?

COSTELLO
Byrd.

ABBOTT
Oh, stop being a wise guy. I know pirates have birds. Parrots, in fact. Pirates have parrots.

COSTELLO
No, Pirates have Byrd.

ABBOTT
A parrot’s a bird. That’s what I said.

COSTELLO
No, I mean Byrd. Marlon Byrd.

ABBOTT
A marlin’s a fish, not a bird.

COSTELLO
I know.

ABBOTT
Then why’d you say a marlin’s a bird?

COSTELLO
I didn’t. I said the Pirates got Byrd.

ABBOTT
Yes, a parrot. A parrot bird. I wasn’t asking about the Marlins.

COSTELLO
Exactly. I’m telling you about the Pirates. They got Byrd.

ABBOTT
A parrot.

COSTELLO
No! A Byrd!

ABBOTT
What kind of a bird?

COSTELLO
Marlon.

ABBOTT
He’s not a bird, he’s a fish!

COSTELLO
Forget it. They also got Buck.

ABBOTT
A new Buc, of course. Who?

COSTELLO
Buck.

ABBOTT
That’s just short for Pirate. Who’d they get?

COSTELLO
Buck.

ABBOTT
They’re all Bucs! Why won’t you tell me?

COSTELLO
Buck.

ABBOTT
Buc, buc, buc. You sound like a chicken.

COSTELLO
A chicken’s a bird. The Pirates got Byrd.

ABBOTT
What kind of bird? A marlin. A marlin’s a fish.

COSTELLO
We’re not talking about the Marlins!

ABBOTT
So who’d the Pirates give up?

COSTELLO
Dilson Herrera.

ABBOTT
Dilson Herrera? That’s a funny name! He’s a second baseman?

COSTELLO
What?

ABBOTT
No, I think he retired.
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