Action-News Photo: Heath Bell Boiled in Oil

In a recent podcast with Carson Cistulli — whose surname’s middle syllable is in fitting homophony with a synonym for foulest poo — I was forced to bail out the host and his inability to deliver neither Hot Sports Opinion nor Five-Alarm Sports Opinion nor anything at all that could plausibly be Served Up Hot. These Job- and Frodo-like burdens led me to bellow that Marlins reliever Heath Bell should be boiled in oil on account of his being too promiscuous with his grievances.

Did I sincerely mean this? As is the case with all Piping-Hot Radio Men, I’m merely saying what more measured types lack the courage to say BUT ARE SURELY THINKING. So it is with a swollen and veiny pride that I present the image that follows, which was lovingly crafted by abiding reader/listener Kyle

Thank you, Kyle, you Internetting Gentleman of Distinction. There is yet hope for those whose Hot Sports Opinions stand athwart the milquetoasty tides of Radio Infirmity.

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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

4 Responses to “Action-News Photo: Heath Bell Boiled in Oil”

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  1. SirDave says:

    What a Action News Piping Hot Stove Served Up Hot Hot Temperature Thermal Hot Fresh Take Hotline Hot Opinion. I think I just burned myself.

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  2. Wade Boggs says:

    can’t wait to see carson’s analysis (no doubt with .gif support and heat maps) of your drinking. frankly, though, for someone who indulges in the creature with regularity, it’s disappointing that your best *week* barely compares to one of my leisurely transcontinental flights.

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  3. deadhead says:

    I imagine Citulli’s new-agey alternative to boiling him in oil was to give him a sponge bath with luke warm patchouli.

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  4. deadhead says:

    Dear Mr. Perry,
    I think you should start a NotGraphs category that is a tabloid style exposé of Carson Cistulli’s inner life. For, by learning what a French loving, troop hating, Al Queda supporting, Castro picture posting Commie does, we can learn to do the opposite… The Costanza Maneuver. If he eats a lamb sausage crepe with fennel, heirloom tomatoes and a fried quail egg, we shall eat countrified biscuits and gravy from Cracker Barrel.

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