Adrian Gonzalez Has Gotten to Second Base with the Desert


When a man has sexual feelings inside of himself, the way he generally wants to express them is by means of rubbing his hands awkwardly all over the object of his affections — a task which, upon completion, he commemorates by means either of a celebratory fist pump or other, similar celebratory gesture.

Photographic evidence from the cover of the Dodgers game-day program suggests that Adrian Gonzalez has completed such a task. For photographic evidence suggests that Adrian Gonzalez, first baseman of your Los Angeles Dodgers, has gotten to second base with the whole desert.

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

10 Responses to “Adrian Gonzalez Has Gotten to Second Base with the Desert”

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  1. Special Juan Lagares says:

    “Look at all of those cacti! Just imagine how much it would hurt if he gets to home plate!”

    – Mike Minor

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  2. Kris says:

    I like the part on page two where the reader is uncertain as to whether Gonzalez is exploring the Grand Canyon, or getting to Home with Cistulli’s mother.

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  3. Jenstrom says:

    Happy birthday Carson! You’re the second-funniest baseball writer I’ve read.

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  4. Wally says:

    Niiiiice butte!

    Kinda flat though:(

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  5. Jenstrom says:

    Carson, I’ve been reading the Daily French Exercise archive and finding it very informative. I enjoy learning the French translations for common baseball terms such as games, innings, hits, home runs, etc. Ever thought about posting more installments now that you’re actually in France?

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  6. DistUrban Legend says:

    I’m not sure if this makes you beavis or butthead…

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  7. Shrewd Cat says:

    A-Gone has dirt on his knees. Wink, wink, nudge nudge.

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  8. Jesus Montero says:

    Big deal. I get to second base with dessert all the time!

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  9. triple-A city says:

    If he turns around, he can motorboat the desert’s boobies.

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