Affixing Branch Rickey’s Eyebrows to Hall of Famers, Works of Art, Foodstuffs, My Cats

“Shameless”, is a word that might be used to describe the mental state of the author as he begins constructing this post. “Wholly Unaccomplished in Life”, is an epitaph to which said author will likely be resigned by the end of this same post….

Election to the National Baseball Hall of Fame is a mark — albeit an imprecise one, to say the least — of greatness. While some of the players enshrined in the Hall could hardly have been greater than they actually were (like the newly elected Greg Maddux), I think I speak for at least seven billion people when I say that the perfect set of eyebrows can greatly improve the aura of even the greatest of the greats. Great. So.

Jackie Robinson with Branch Rickey and his perfect eyebrows.

Speaking again for those same seven billion people, I say that Branch Rickey’s eyebrows are perfect for affixing under almost any circumstance. Here they are, then, affixed in pixels to the newest inductees to the Hall of Fame.

Greg Maddux

Tom Glavine

Frank Thomas

As we know from various endeavors here at NotGraphs — endeavors to insert baseball-associated names, faces, and themes into what we might otherwise consider non-baseball realms — that super imposing baseball where there is none will always improve matters. Baseball, after all, is better than Not Baseball.

Here are some images, previously not associated with baseball in anyway, that have been drastically improved by affixing to them the best baseball-associated eyebrows in history.

One of Andy Warhol’s Marilyn Monroe prints

The Mona Lisa, of course.

A poster for the 2003 film Mona Lisa Smile

The best foods? Still could be better by adding Branch Rickey’s eyebrows!

A perfectly ripe avocado

Even my cats, whom I generally believe to be flawless, are better when they don Branch Rickey’s eyebrows!



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Strangely, this does add much to Bingo’s ferocious appearance.

Bitter Beane
Bitter Beane

Well played. Frank Thomas looks magnificent and the alligator pear, it is wiser now. How often may that be said, the latter, I mean.


Avocados turn grey when ripe?