Alex Cobb Proposed via Dolphin; Your Romance is Invalid

True story, I proposed to my now-wife whilst sitting in a booth at Waffle House. I asked her to prom — our first date, many years earlier — on a TI-82 calculator.

We can say one thing: Rays pitcher Alex Cobb does not have the brand of Sexy we here at NotGraphs look for in our writing staff or in our readership. A proposal via dolphin in some stone-strewn alcove as loved ones watch with rapid, thrumming hearts? Pfft. Where’s the character? Where’s the self-loathing lack of confidence? Where’s the syrup?

The fact that Mrs. Future Alex Cobb said yes to this obvious attempt at lifelong memories and romantic foresightfulness further suggests that she too is not material suitable for a NotGraphs writer.

Thanks to DRaysBay for going high school girl on me and sharing this video.

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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.

13 Responses to “Alex Cobb Proposed via Dolphin; Your Romance is Invalid”

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  1. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    I think we need to hear the full Waffle House story.

    We also need to hear how Cistulli proposed to his wife.

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. John Paschal says:

    I also proposed via Dolphin.

    Sadly, Chad Henne nearly drowned in the process.

    +26 Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Cody says:

      As a Dolphins fan, this comment nearly made me forget that I hate that I am Dolphins fan. Well done, sir.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Resolution says:

    Thank God girls don’t read NotGraphs – that keeps the ol’ ‘Propose via Dolphin’ tactic in play for us as an ‘original and thoughtful’ idea.

    +15 Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Ecco says:

      Unfortunately for you, we dolphins DO read NotGraphs. And we will no longer be mere pawns in your mating rituals. We demand to be full participants.

      +36 Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Mr. Smooth says:

    If time travel is possible, should we feed Baby Hitler to dolphins?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. MikeS says:

    I mean this in the most un-ironic way possible. Mrs Woodrum is a very lucky woman.

    And you are an even luckier man.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Jacques Cousteau says:

    Mais les dauphins mange les rays.

    Vote -1 Vote +1