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Alternate Punishments for Yunel Escobar

Those of you who follow the news of baseball regularly – and I expect that to be most of you, fair readers – might have been made aware of something that Yunel Escobar did the other day, and the subsequent fallout. I will not use these pages to convey my feelings, as I feel nearly every baseball writer and consequent Internet commenter – my God, the commenters – have put in their two one-hundredths of a dollar.

I will, however, bestow upon you some additional knowledge of the situation learned by the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigative Team. As it happens, Mr. Escobar’s  suspension will not be the only penance he must pay. Nay, he will also be required to wear an apology on the same eye black that cause such a ruckus.

This humble author offers a few opinions:

1. Hit ‘em where it hurts, by pointing out he is really not that good of a baseball player.

2. Another hurtful thing to point out, though perhaps not as ego-bruising as the previous, would be the general poopy-ness of the team for which he plays.

3. Perhaps a self-deprecating phrase written in his native language, not unlike the original offending message?


4. Last, but certainly the most degrading.

I give the Commissioner’s Office of Major League Baseball free reign to use one if not all of these suggestions.