Alternatives to the 2013 GIBBYS

A scroll around the site introduced me, for the first time ever, to the 2013 GIBBYS, a set of 22 awards apparently being issued today (!), in categories such as Moment of the Year, Storyline of the Year, Oddity of the Year, and Cut4 Topic of the Year (for “the season’s top-trending moments, as chronicled by Cut4″). (No, I do not know what Cut4 is either.)

GIBBYS, “the ultimate honors of the industry’s awards season,” stands, of course, for the Greatness in BaseBall Yearly awardS. I now present what I’m hoping will be the 23rd GIBBY award, for most tortured attempt to create an award acronym. Here are my five nominees:

1. FOXXs: For Outcomes that are Xtra Xtra good
2. SPAHNs: Season’s Pitching Awards for Heart and also NumberS
3. MAYSs: Most Awards of the Year, given Seasonally
4. LEFTYs: Lifetime Evaluation by the Fans of Total Yearly Statistics
5. CLEMENS: Collective Lies regarding EnhanceMents, Eventually Negating Statistics… award.

Perhaps you have some of your own.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

5 Responses to “Alternatives to the 2013 GIBBYS”

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  1. Michael says:

    I like the Clemens award. I think I know the winner for this year…(looking at you A-Rod)

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  2. Paul says:

    In keeping with the tradition of making acronyms suited to former players names, I’d love to see the acronym fitted to Saltalamacchia in 50 years.

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  3. Mike Green says:

    RUTHs- Runs Ushered in Til Hangover
    ROSEs- Runs Over Says Elder
    GIBSONs- Great In Big Shoes Or Not

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  4. tz says:

    TROUTs – Tangential Rant Offered Umpteenth Time
    DUSTYs – Denying Understanding of Statistical Truth of the Year
    BONDSs – Big Oversized Noggin Due to Substance
    COBBs – Cill Oll Black Boy’s (Ty’s words, not mine)
    KLUBERs – Keep Loving Underrated Because of Earned Runs
    CANSECOs – Credibility Assaulting Nimrod Seeking Eternal Cashmaking Opportunities
    RZEPCZYNSKIs – Reliever Zinging Effortless Pitches Crashing Zones You Never Saw Kluber Investigating

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