An Avant-Garde Play Featuring Dazzy Vance

Dazzy

ACT I
(ARTHUR VANCE and ASSORTED OTHERS loiter in a baseball dugout in Nebraska, ca. 1909. ARTHUR VANCE clears his throat.)

ARTHUR VANCE
Hey, everyone. I have an announcement to make. From now on, I’d like to be called Dazzy. Not Arthur, anymore. Just Dazzy. Dazzy Vance.

ASSORTED OTHERS
How about we call you Gay-Face Jones, instead? Because only someone with a gay face would ask a group of other male athletes in rural Nebraska — at the beginning of the 20th century, no less — to be called Dazzy.

ACT II
(Undeterred and full of want-to, ARTHUR VANCE shows great promise as a pitcher, then suffers an arm injury, then toils for years in the minor leagues, then receives proper medical attention for his arm injury, then leads the majors in strikeouts for seven consecutive years during his 30s.)

ACT III
(In 1955, ARTHUR VANCE is delivering a speech at the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown to celebrate his induction into same.)

ARTHUR VANCE
If I have one piece of advice for young people, it’s don’t believe people who say you’ll never be called Dazzy. I realize that’s very specific, so far as advice is concerned. Nevertheless, the data I’ve collected in my own life suggests that it’s sound.

(THOSE IN ATTENDANCE clap and cheer.)




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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cass
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cass
2 years 8 months ago

“leads the majors in strikeouts for seven consecutive years during his 30s.)”

Roids.

eckmuhl
Member
eckmuhl
2 years 8 months ago

Early in life, Vance changed his name around probably more often than he changed his shoes.

“There is disagreement about the order of Vance‚Äôs two given names. The US Censuses for both 1900 and 1910 list him as Charles A. Vance. When he registered for the World War I draft in 1917, he gave his name as Arthur Charles Vance. It is listed that way in the 1920 census and in the Florida death index. Modern references are almost evenly divided between Charles Arthur and Arthur Charles. At least two sources inexplicably identify him as Clarence Arthur Vance. The most likely explanation seems to be that he was named Charles Arthur, but as a teenager preferred the name Arthur, so changed the order of the names.”

http://sabr.org/bioproj/person/5c1fec75#_edn1

Sociology Degreer
Guest
Sociology Degreer
2 years 8 months ago

Congrats on getting sponsorship from a British multinational pharmaceutical consumer healthcare company!

Sociology Degreer
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Sociology Degreer
2 years 8 months ago

lol wrong page.

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