An Exasperated Spouse’s Four Baseball-Related Passover Questions

Introductory Question: Why is this game different from all other games? (That is, why do you have to watch this one?)

1. Why during all other games do you root for the Mets, but this one you are rooting against them? (Answer: Someone on my fantasy team is pitching against them.)

2. Why at all other times you eat all kinds of vegetables but while watching a baseball game you want a hot dog? (Answer: Because baseball tastes better with a hot dog.)

3. Why at all other times can you pay attention to the world around you, but while watching a game, it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist? (Answer: Shhh! The pitcher has a no-hitter going.)

4. Why at all other times can you sit on the couch like a normal person, but once the game is past the 7th inning, you lie down like a lazy dog? (Answer: I am sleepy. Watching a baseball game is hard work.)

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

5 Responses to “An Exasperated Spouse’s Four Baseball-Related Passover Questions”

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  1. Brian McCann says:

    Don’t talk about the no-hitter!

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  2. Mike Green says:

    Funny, I don’t remember there being a Wise-Ass Son in my Haggadah. I’ll have to take up Safran Foer on this key point of liturgy.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Kevin Youkilis says:

      He’s reading from the modern Haggadah where there’s a fourth daughter who is also an adopted, disabled bisexual African American. The reformed Jewish demographic has just eaten this up.

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  3. Bil Bo Baggins says:

    I invited Scott Feldman to my Passover Seder, but he said he is no longer Jewish, he is Astro

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. The Milwaukee Chamber of Commerce says:

    2(a): …and because baseball (or hot dogs) without beer is unsane.
    As beer is filling there is no room- or need- for vegetables.
    Beer: baseball’s true cleanup hitter.

    Vote -1 Vote +1