Ask NotGraphs (#16)

Dear NotGraphs,

Who is Brian Dozier?

Thanks,
A Danny Valencia Owner

Dear Person With a Terrible Fantasy Team,

Brian Dozier likes hockey.
I know this because Brian Dozier likes Twitter.
Brian Dozier has a solid walk rate.
Brian Dozier majored in accounting.
Brian Dozier has a winning smile.
Brian Dozier doesn’t have shoelaces.
Brian Dozier is first in a wave of “new Twins.”

Brian Dozier is not the reason Danny Valencia may be losing his job. Danny Valencia is the reason Danny Valencia may be losing his job. I like Danny Valencia. He’s on my Scoresheet team. He’s in my lineup against lefties.

Do not fear Brian Dozier. Brian Dozier does not fear you.

Good luck,
Jeremy

Have a question for Ask NotGraphs!? I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel, so please send! About baseball, not about baseball, I don’t care, and maybe it’s more fun if it isn’t about baseball at all. E-mail me, or leave your question in the comments!




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
4 years 4 months ago

The really important question: is it pronounced “doe-zher” or “doe-zee-ay”?

cantpitch
Member
4 years 4 months ago

Here in MN we have been pronouncing it “doe-zher”.

And “Dear Person With a Terrible Fantasy Team,” made me laugh out load, and then shed a little tear.

Bryz
Guest
4 years 4 months ago

Watch out for the BullDozier.

Toasty
Guest
Toasty
4 years 4 months ago

Accounting major? I project him to be a Craig Counsell-type.

airfigaro
Member
airfigaro
4 years 4 months ago

Is he already a deity? Craig is.

Aaron55
Guest
Aaron55
4 years 4 months ago

Question:

Do you pratice santeria?

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