If rocks were capable of engaging in sexy lovemaking with each other, that would be strange. That’s one fact. A second fact is this, though: if rocks really could make love, their yawps of craggy pleasure would be indistinguishable from the normal speaking voice of St. Louis Cardinals radio broadcaster Mike Shannon.
Such a voice is well-suited to utter certain words. Words like cud, for example. And arse-ropes. And Beowulf.
A word that has no business either in or around Mike Shannon’s mouth, however, is chartreuse — a word so French that, after giving voice to it, one finds himself tempted either to smoke a cigarette or denounce the Zeitgeist or both simultaneously.
And yet chartreuse is precisely the word Mike Shannon found himself compelled to speak aloud during the first inning of this evening’s Pirates-Cardinals game.