B.J. Upton Just Doesn’t Believe It

What was that you just said?

Well, that’s simply preposterous, and B.J. Upton does not believe it.

Oh, it’s not that Bossman distrusts you personally, it’s just that he doesn’t believe much of what he hears these days. Or sees. Or smells. In fact, the only sense that he trusts at all these days is taste. Perhaps if Bossman could have somehow tasted Evan Gattis‘s grand slam on Wednesday, he might believe it. If he could but taste the bullshit that you are spewing right now, he might believe you, too (but he would probably barf, if he could taste it).

Bossman has nothing against you, like he said. Bossman is cool. In fact, hey, he’s sorry for referring to what you were just saying as “bullshit.” Unbelievable is a better word, probably. Bossman doesn’t believe much of what he hears or sees or smells, but he is amused and befuddled and excited by it all. He just gets worked up, gets too excited.

So, Bossman is sorry: you’re amazing, you’re unbelievable — but that’s just the thing: Bossman don’t believe you.

Now shut up and have some candy — tastes like Truth.




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5 Responses to “B.J. Upton Just Doesn’t Believe It”

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  1. bartonbickle says:

    k cool

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. shibboleth says:

    That could have been me last night when he made successful contact with a pitch.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Transcendentalist Traveler says:

    Use that wrench, Mr. Upton. Use that wrench.

    I wouldn’t believe it in the rain.
    I wouldn’t believe it on a train.
    I wouldn’t believe it in the dark.
    I wouldn’t believe it while eating a lark.

    Use that wrench, Mr. Upton. Use that wrench.

    I wouldn’t believe it with 4 eggs and ham.
    I wouldn’t believe it while on the lamb.
    I wouldn’t believe it while watching Kevin Gausman.
    I wouldn’t believe it while getting a tan.

    Use that wrench, Mr. Upton. Use that wrench.

    Do you believe me now, Mr. Upton?
    Do you believe me now?
    I believe you now, Mr. Upton.
    I believe you now.

    Use that wrench, Mr. Upton. Use that wrench.

    -Ralph Waldo Emerson
    1871, recently discovered journal titled “In a Pomp of Sunshine and Verdure”

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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