Balboni’s Inbox, Cistulli’s Hypocrisy: Dotes for 4/2

Table of Contents

Dotes for the day after April Fool’s Day:
1. Steve Balboni’s Inbox Is Full
2. “McGehee, Hague homer for Pirates in tie with Rays” in Running for Most Boring Headline of Spring
3. NotGraphs Editor Carson Cistulli Breaks All the Rules…

Steve Balboni’s Inbox Is Full

Steve Balboni hit a few homeruns that he, himself, had never seen anyone else hit as far. Steve Balboni has played at the highest level and knows what it takes to get there. Steve Balboni has noticed that many young players coming up through the minors have not been taught properly. Steve Balboni can show you how to improve your swing and hit the ball harder. (Looking at you, Dee Gordon.) Steve Balboni is offering a “new” “hitting instruction DVD”.

Maybe that’s why his inbox is full:

The only way to get this mysterious DVD — through which Steve Balboni will learn you to hit a breaking ball and be a consistent hitter (and of which the special features will teach you to construct and consume a densely packed hoagie) — is to email the contact address at the above link. In short, it can’t be gotten. I tried. If you try and get through, please do order. I will pay you back.


“McGehee, Hague homer for Pirates in tie with Rays” in Running for Most Boring Headline of Spring

While Matt Hague, per FanGraphs+, might make “at least a useful part-timer” in NL-Only leagues, and while, again per FG+, “a rebound season isn’t unreasonable” for Casey McGehee, and while McGehee’s homer came off of Tampa Bay Rays’ top prospect Matt Moore, and while homeruns are pretty awesome in general, even in spring training, and while baseball itself is awesome, I don’t think that anyone cares about these particular occurrences, and I’d be surprised if anyone, particularly in Kansas City, read this article start to finish. I know I didn’t.

Be the first of your friends to like this article.


NotGraphs Editor Carson Cistulli Breaks All the Rules…

…Including His Own:

You may have noticed that most article titles here at NotGraphs fit neatly onto one line. This is because our leader and vigilant aesthete, Carson Cistulli, fastidiously crops those headlines that exceed the capacity of a single line, or at least urges his writers to do so — by “urges his writers” I do mean “threatens to fire them.”

Once, for the sake of absurdist humor, the author risked his position at NotGraphs to publish a many-lined title, which Cistulli soon edited down to one tidy, ellipsis’d line.

Today, the author risks his position again to call out Mr. Cistulli for the following hypocrisy:

The headline in question remains, to date, unsightly.

It should also be noted that Mr. Cistulli has stolen the author’s “look”:

Left: Baumann on July 13, 2011. Right: Cistulli in March 2012, after having met Baumann, face to moustachio’d, bespecked face, in October 2011.

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6 Responses to “Balboni’s Inbox, Cistulli’s Hypocrisy: Dotes for 4/2”

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  1. Kyle says:

    Carson Cistulli, tyrannical plagiarist.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. MikeS says:

    Part of being a leader is knowing when to say “do as I say, not as I do.”

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets says:

    It’s not Cistulli’s fault you both lost bets to Dayn Perry and he reuses victory rewards more often than a Taibbi simile.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Socrates says:

    If Hensley Meulens can be a hitting coach then Steve Balboni can have a DVD.

    (I personally see no problem with either).

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • MikeS says:

      Wow, Hensley Meulens. I have a friend who is a huge Yankees fan and around 1989 or 1990 he just would not shut up about him. Swore to anybody who would listen that Meulens was going to be so much better than Frank Thomas. It’s been at least a month since I reminded him of that. Maybe I should give him a call…

      Vote -1 Vote +1

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