Ballplayers Who Could Take Dayn Perry

Apophatic [ap-a-FAT-ik] Theology is that method by which one endeavors to describe God by describing what God is not — the suggestion being that fewer persons and places and things belong to the latter category than the former.

Apophasis [uh-PAW-fa-sis] is also the process by which one might most efficiently compile a list of major-league ballplayers, past and present, who could — via their fists or feet or, perhaps, just a particularly menacing stare — injure NotGraphs’ oldest contributor (by far), Dayn Perry.

Which is to say that, to construct such a list, it’s much easier to identify those players who do not have the capacity to fell Perry. Thanks to the search functions at Baseball-Reference, it’s easy to compile a list of such players.

Image courtesy Jason Thorpe.




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


6 Responses to “Ballplayers Who Could Take Dayn Perry”

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  1. TheGrandslamwich says:

    You know you’re a baseball nut when you knew this would involve Gaedel before going to the link.

    It is fun to imagine a world where MLB didn’t not have a minimum height requirement.

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  2. olethros says:

    You sure about that? I bet Eddie could work the nuts like a speed bag.

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  3. Kris says:

    Dayn has the intangibles of David Eckstein and the drinking capacity of Wade Boggs. In place of nipples, he’s evolved an extra heart and an extra liver that he hides behind a blanket of chest hair.

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  4. Yirmiyahu says:

    What about Jamie Moyer, who would likely punch about as hard as he throws, has a torn ligament, and is like 59 years old?

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  5. grandbranyan says:

    Also considered for linkage…Pete Gray, Jim Abbott, Chuck Finley?

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