Bartolo Colón Surrounded by a Colon

Maker of love, babies and fine cabinetry Robert J. Baumann passes along what follows, which is, as the title of this breathless dispatch suggests, Bartolo Colón surrounded by a colon …

Sure, we could have spared you the distressing visuals and instead surrounded Mr. Colón by the punctuational colon (pictured here: :, with this text added in advance of the closing parenthesis so as not to inflict an emoticon upon the unsuspecting reader), but we at NotGraphs have never been one to shy away from the visceral and corporeal. So what you see is Bartolo Colón surrounded by a human colon, the disemboweled colon of David Appelman, it turns out.

Did Bartolo Colón somehow vanquish David Appelman? Of course not. David Appelman, in the service of human amusements, ripped out his own colon, placed it around Bartolo Colón’s neck in a perfect and ceremonial double-windsor knot, polished off a vast belt of scotch and a plate of gorilla legs, and then punched his way out of the county jail.

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20 Responses to “Bartolo Colón Surrounded by a Colon”

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  1. I believe NotGraphs has reached its apex.

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    • Well-Beered Englishman says:

      I believe NotGraphs has reached its sphincter.

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    • Yirmiyahu says:

      I’m still waiting for a picture of a colon (punctuation) surrounded by a colon (organ).

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      • Resolution says:

        I’m waiting for these pictures to get increasingly ‘meta’ to the point where it’s a picture of Bartolo Colon surrounding a picture of Bartolo Colon with colons…whatever that means…

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  2. dp says:

    David Appelman’s life was commemorated in the classic Hong Kong arthouse thriller, The Ballad of Ricki O. An unflinching look at the life and times of the great man, it was deemed too realistic for Reagan-era American viewers, and found a home in Hong Kong, where it was immediately hailed as a classic of global cinema.

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  3. Resolution says:

    corporeal & corpulent!

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  4. Smorgasbord says:

    If words could speak, I still would have nothing to say.

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  5. nu billy baroooo?! says:

    you knew this was coming… but still effected my life deeply when it did.

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  6. Big Jgke says:

    i am in nirvana

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  7. Robert J. Baumann says:

    It allows him to eat more.

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  8. Pat says:

    Wow… It also looks like he’s in an 80’s rap video.

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  9. FamousAmazingGuy says:

    If this isn’t J. G. Taylor Spink Award worthy, i don’t know what is.

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  10. TheGrandslamwich says:

    This brings up the question: was it David Appelman’s stem cells that returned Bartolo Colon to pitching success?

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  11. deadhead says:

    Bartolo Colon is very large.

    How large is he?

    He is so large that this piece should be entitled, A Colon Surrounded by Bartolo Colon.

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  12. rambodiaz says:

    Request: David Appelman surrounded by Apple Men. And for him to have his colon back.

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  13. MTUCache says:

    The restraint showed in this post is beyond my comprehension. There’s no possible way that I could have stopped myself from taking this WAY too far.

    I’ve literally got another tab open right now with a google-image search showing Katie Couric’s colonoscopy. I can’t even stop myself from looking.

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  14. Aaron 55350 says:

    How about Milton Bradley surrounded by Candyland, Operation, and Battleship?

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  15. Aaron 55350 says:

    Brandon Lyon surrounded by some combination of OJ Simpson/Bill Clinton/representatives of Pakistan

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  16. Aaron 55350 says:

    Break the mold: a lake with the heads of Mike Trout, Mike Carp, and Anthony Bass popping out of the water.

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