Baseball Card Tourney: Fingers v Gale

We know baseball players have feelings. And we know we have feelings about baseball cards. Maybe it’s not so far-fetched to think that baseball cards themselves have feelings.

We know that baseball players are competitive. And we know that we baseball fans are competitive, even about collecting. So maybe it’s not so far-fetched to believe that if baseball cards have feelings, one of the feelings they have more often than not is one of competitive fire.

All of this necessitates a competition between baseball cards. A seeded tournament.

The population can be determined by the baseball cards that happen to be on my desk and catch my fancy. The effort has been helped by a recent bequeathal of a trove of old, mostly worthless cards by my late grandmother-in-law may she rest in peace. The champions are to be decided by whatever metric fancies us best, but we will focus on the value provided by the player’s dress, facial hair, cultural artifacts and the quality of card’s artistic expression thereof. Oh, and we’ll provide some inner monologues for the cards before each matchup. Because they have feelings and we should speculate on the contents of those emotional thoughts.

#8. 1981 Topps Rich Gale: Oh man, oh man, oh man. How am I going to beat Rollie F’ing Fingers? Look at that dude’s stache. Look at all those saves. I never even struck out six per nine! Gotta emphasize my glasses, de-emphasize my flow-bee cut. This mustache, people, this mustache. It’s well-trimmed and manly. Oh, and I had a 3.92 ERA and 97 strikeouts in 191 innings for the 1980 Royals, people. And I have a fun fact, Rollie doesn’t. “Hurled a one-hitter for Waterloo vs. Appleton, 5-12-76″ it says. So there.


#1. 1981 Topps Rollie Fingers: Wake me up in the finals. And if any modern-day ‘closers’ want to bring it, make sure they check out the fact that I’ve averaged over 120 innings per season since I broke in. You are not a worthy opponent.

We report, you decide. Although I’m thinking this one, like most first round matchups with #1 seeds, is a blowout. Rollie will ride those handlebars into the late rounds.

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Graphs: Baseball, Roto, Beer, brats (OK, no graphs for that...yet), repeat. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris.

12 Responses to “Baseball Card Tourney: Fingers v Gale”

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  1. TheGrandslamwich says:

    Until this year, my family used to have season tickets in Rollie Fingers’ section at A’s games. His mustache is as awesome as it ever was. First round KO.

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  2. therood says:

    Fingers blows away Gale in the first round.

    I’m not sure who Steve Mandich is, either, but he makes a pretty good comparison of Rich Gale:

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  3. Yirmiyahu says:

    I’m afraid this is going to be like that episode of the Simpsons where no one bothers to vote for Bart because everyone assumes he’ll win easily.

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  4. John Willumsen says:


    Rich Gale you visibly appear to be gulping in fear. How you achieve this in your state of stasis is as much a mystery as the fathomless depths of philosophy you were plumbing at the moment that picture was taken.

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  5. Matt Defalco says:

    Not only is rollie sporting the divine stash, take a look at that posture. He just doesn’t give a shit about Gale, the hall of fame, or the end great ejector.

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  6. Matt Defalco says:

    Ahem, posting from my phone here… I meant only the great ejector… No ends are involved

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  7. LloydBraun says:

    Rollie in a landslide.

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  8. Terry says:

    I’m looking for a rich gal, will settle for a Rich Gale with purty hair and a baby blue shirt. Plus, Rollie Fingers sounds like it needs some ointment. Give me #16 in the upset.

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  9. Mac says:

    On paper, this sounds like an easy win for Fingers. But there’s a reason you play the games. When it comes to a straight comparison of the cards presented, I am surprised to say that Gale deserves the W here. He brought a great effort with that Royals card and just straight up beats ole Rollie. He wins in all these categories:

    Facial expression: Gale with the razor-intense focus, Fingers looking weirdly smarmy.

    Uniform/Appearance: Gale stands at the edge of the 70’s and 80’s. The gold necklace and rims standing out on the classic baby blue harken to the wild days of yore, while the flow-bee warns of the coming cultural void we call the 80s. Fingers sports a god-awful Padres uniform. It’s ugly, and not in funny ha-ha way. It’s bad ugly. He’s relying to much on the signature mustache and doesn’t back it up with any sort of style elsewhere. Like a Cav’s era Lebron, the stache alone won’t win ya the big one.

    Team: Gale comes in supporting the team he spent the majority of his career with. He’s a true Royal and he’s showing it. That’s the team he fought for when he toed the rubber twice in the WS (they one one and lost one). Fingers the Padre? O’RLY? No love for WS three-peat Oakland? No love for the Cy-Young win in Milwaukee? Imagine if he went into the HOF sporting that Padres cap. It’s an insult.

    Background: Gale, a ballplayer, is depicted in a stadium. Finger’s looks like he’s about to get shot by a execution squad.

    Face it (pun not intended). Gale showed up for this match ready to fight and is in fine form. Fingers is playing, but he didn’t come to play. The heart just isn’t in it. Here’s some A-game Fingers for comparison:

    I vote Gale.

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  10. Loryn says:

    Ya learn smhoeting new everyday. It’s true I guess!

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  11. nubillybaroo says:

    I chew on puppies and then smoke Cuban cigars. I kill people with a cattle prod while sipping Champagne and doing your mom. I am… Fingers.

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