Baseball Card Tourney: Haas vs Thomas

Last week was one of the hardest-fought battles of the tourney so far. The smooth stylings of Keith Hernandez went up against the brash bravado of Wally Backman and it looks like we have our second upset in a row. Wally Backman moves on. Keith Hernandez and his mustache power were defeated by young Wally in his utterness. Another #7 moves on! Are the number two seeds cursed?

This week, it’s time for another team-themed battle. The Brew Crew puts forward two young men in their primes for the third #2/#7 pairing. Once again, there’s a favorite. What will happen this week on Baseball Card Tourney?

#2 1980 Topps Gorman Thomas
Look, I don’t want to say too much. You seem like a nice enough young guy and all. But, shit, check the back of my card and you’ll see I hit 45 home runs last year, and 32 the year before. What you don’t see are my walks. Instead it’s all about how I “powdered the ball” and was named “Brewer’s Player of the Month for June” in 1978. Come on. I’m all about walking softly and carrying a big stick — just check my swag in the picture — but maybe they could have found some better things to highlight. “Outfielder?” Try center fielder with wicked range and a strong arm. Led the PCL in 6 different categories in 1977? Come on, I’m Storming Gorman. I topped the American League in home runs last year. Meh, not Topps’ best effort. But look how chill I am about it all.

#7 1981 Fleer Moose Haas
Yeah, man, it’s cool. But you don’t hang out with us starters. Maybe you don’t know a couple things about me bro. Like, I’m a locksmith. And a magician. And a black belt in taekwondo. And did you hear about the Moose I killed with my bare hands? Twelve feet tall! Yeah, that was pretty cool. Got his head hanging in my living room right now. Thanks for asking, that IS how I got my nickname. And, dude, I got the team record for strikeouts in a game — fourteen. Bet you didn’t know that. Yeah, I know I’m working on my stache, and my locks don’t quite flow like yours, but I got a lot of hidden talent going on here. Things are looking up for me. Don’t hate. Someday people will understand it’s not all about pitcher wins. Someday.

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Graphs: Baseball, Roto, Beer, brats (OK, no graphs for that...yet), repeat. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris.

11 Responses to “Baseball Card Tourney: Haas vs Thomas”

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  1. filihok says:

    Whatever is going on above and to the players’ left is obviously more interesting than either of these cards but I’ll take Gorman’s squat over Moose’s kneel.

    That sounds dirty

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  2. drtrix says:

    With Thomas’ luxurious flowing mane to accompany that fu, I can’t see this as even a fair contest.

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  3. glassSheets says:

    If this is your way of giving Gorman Thomas a bye, I approve. Signed, with a bat weight, with a dark blue undershirt under the light blue jerseys, wearing batting gloves, plus he has the M B hat on. The Moose card has nothing the Gorman card does not, besides impending defeat. Clear victory.

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  4. strongbad56 says:

    Ha, no upset this week. Gorman Thomas, and it’s is not close AT ALL. I mean, come on, his name is Gorman.

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  5. Tommy Lasordas Pasta says:

    Gorman Thomas’ mustache wins it hands down. Killer Fu Manchu beats weak PornStache. Mane flowing from underneath a classic hat blows away…ummm…boring haircut (not even a hat?) Not even close… Stormin’ Gormin in a blowout.

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  6. scout1222 says:

    Storming Gorman. Any card that captures the wild hair of the day is probably going to get my vote. Probably because I’ve had some unfortunate hair years myself.

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  7. TheGrandSlamwich says:

    Thomas is wielding a doughnut. Haas has a glove and a smile.
    Thomas takes this easy.

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  8. TheBigDawg says:

    Moose Haas is what came out when Stormin’ Gorman squatted.

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