Be Still My Beating Heart: Yoenis Cespedes

Every now and then, something truly epic comes along. Now, it’s not every day that it’s a Cuban ballplayer with a scouting video that has production values mirroring a 1980s sitcom, but this is your lucky day.

Domingo Ayala could not be reached for comment.

Jeff Passan could, however. He said these words.

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In addition to Rotographs, Warne is a former Minnesota Twins beat writer for 1500 ESPN Twin Cities, and current sportswriter for Sports Data LLC in downtown Minneapolis. Follow him on Twitter @Brandon_Warne, or feel free to email him to do podcasts or for any old reason at brandon.r.warne@gmail-dot-com

7 Responses to “Be Still My Beating Heart: Yoenis Cespedes”

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  1. Yirmiyahu says:

    Kevin Goldstein has some play-by-play commentary on the video that’s almost as funny as the video itself:

    “I have no idea how good this guy can play baseball yet, but it’s a 70-plus sit-up tool.”

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  2. bluejaysstatsgeek says:

    I’m awaiting the porno version of the sit-ups part of the video.

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  3. How is “Thanks for the push Ahman Green” not a meme yet?

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  4. Adrock says:

    Not sure if he can hit a change up, but he’s already a 60 grade pig roaster, with the potential to top out at 70.

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    • phoenix2042 says:

      well to be fair he only stoked the flames. we do not know how much he is responsible for the pig itself. did he kill it? gut it? butcher it? serve it? these questions need to be answered before he is signed. also does it count as two or more outs to catch a ball behind one’s back? because his UZR could be insane if that were the case. i would also just like to note that the man is clearly an experienced showboater, showing a ton of natural talent in that area.

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  5. Del B. Vista says:

    Chuck Norris has never met Yoenis Cespedes, but if it happens, fireworks baby.

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