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Beckett, Bailey Injured During Thumb Wars Battle

Bloody Thumb Wars

It has recently come to the attention of the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team that, in an effort to avoid the temptation of beer and chicken, the Boston Red Sox clubhouse started a competitive thumb wars league at the beginning of spring training.

Everything was going well – although fried chicken dealers in the Boston area were predicting a 17% drop in sales in 2012 – until starting pitcher Josh Beckett and new closer Andrew Bailey came down with right thumb injuries during their semifinal match of the clubhouse’s spring championship finale.

Said one unnamed member of Boston’s 40-man roster, “Bailey appeared to have the upper hand when Beckett attempted the Iranian Thumb Twist maneuver and it went horribly wrong.”

A highly-ranked Red Sox prospect in camp on a non-roster invite shook his head stating, “I’ll never watch thumb wars again the same way.”

According to a less-than-impressed front office official those within the clubhouse walls will never again utter the words: “One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.”