Best Fictional Baseball Team

Not Jack Morris

Buzzfeed offers its picks for The Ultimate Fictional Baseball Team. A little too much Major League for my taste — Jake Taylor, Pedro Cerrano, Willie Mays Hayes — but can’t really quibble with most of it.

My pick for the best fictional team is the 2013 Astros.

Your picks in the comments.



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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Toasty
Member

Do Fausto Carmona and Leo Nunez qualify?

Joe Maier
Guest
Joe Maier

No team of fictional baseball players can be considered the best if Pablo Sanchez from backyard baseball isn’t on the team. That kid was a stud.

Guy
Guest
Guy

+100000000

John
Member
John

Sunny Day and Earl Grey, reporting that you just won the Internet.

canuckassassin
Member
canuckassassin

Shut down the internet, this man has won it.

The Ted, Section 437
Guest
The Ted, Section 437

Pete Wheeler, Pablo Sanchez, Keisha Phillips, Achmed & Amir Khan, and any other four players.

sporkless
Guest

2005 Montreal Expos. Sniff.

Bob
Guest
Bob

Missing the ultimate UT player in history: Bugs Bunny. Talk about someone who can play the entire field.

Damaso's Burnt Shirt
Guest
Damaso's Burnt Shirt

Leela “Bean machine” Turanga. Worst blurnsball player ever.

Al Fer
Guest
Al Fer

This team would get beat up everyday by Bingo Long and the Travelling All Stars

Alvaro Fer
Guest
Alvaro Fer

That would be “The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bingo_Long_Traveling_All-Stars_%26_Motor_Kings

dzigga
Member
dzigga

I’d include Huck Finn as the scrappy shortstop, Paul Bunyan as the towering, mashing RF, and William Faulkner’s Quentin Compson as the intelligent and neurotic soft-tossing lefty.

RationalSportsFan
Guest

I’ll just take all the kids from Street Sports Baseball on the Commodore 64.

I realize now that I am quite old.

Wimpy's Ghost
Guest
Wimpy's Ghost

Call, Call, Call, Call me Junior. *Turns head to see if anyone is laughing* *Head droops*

Toasty
Member

It’s showtime!

Matt
Guest
Matt

Missing Jack Elliot.

DerekJeterGiftBasket
Guest
DerekJeterGiftBasket

The potential Montgomery Burns ringers Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, and Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown.

Stuck in a Slump
Guest
Stuck in a Slump

As soon as Kenny comes back from his suspension I fully expect to see Ricky Vaughn replace Mel Clark in the rotation.

Bluebird in Boulder
Member
Bluebird in Boulder

Kuno from the Ninja Blacksox,despite being short on personality, is conspicuous by her absence.

Dave P
Guest
Dave P

Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez belongs on this team.

Ben
Member
Ben

Click the link in the post, he’s on the team already

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman

The kids from Peanuts

SurprMan
Member
SurprMan

Murphy from the Mechanical Brains, until he broke down in the 6th inning.

Sam
Guest
Sam

Wait, hold on. You think Crash would be more bitter because he’s a AAA player? Wasn’t Taylor playing in Mexican Leagues when they found him? I’d be bitter as hell about that. My vote’s on Crash at the backstop.

No. No, my vote’s actually on SPIKE NOLAN, but who knows if he can hit.

Edwin
Guest

Technically he wouldn’t be part of the team,but can we have Erico Palazzo as the Umpire?

Nickname Damur
Guest
Nickname Damur

Roland Agni, CF, Ruppert Mundys
John Baal, 1B, Ruppert Mundys

Matt
Guest
Matt

And Gil Gamesh, SP

MustBunique
Member
Member

Bobby Rayburn CF? from the Fan should be in there, D. Varyu OF from Ken Griffey Jr Presents MLB, Muscles McFee OF from Griffey’s Winning Run, Steve 1B from the darker uniformed team in Game Boy Baseball, Kenny Sandoval SS from Angel Park All Stars, Sylvester Coddmeyer (the kid who only hit homers) from the Matt Christopher book.

Jamie
Guest
Jamie

Sidd Finch. You can question his commitment to the game, but you can’t question his 168 mph fastball.

AC of DC
Guest
AC of DC

There has to be a place for the Mighty Casey on this team (Flynn and Blake, not so much). Not only are we who are statistically-minded certainly not going to dismiss a man over one PA, but the small sample size adds weight to the argument: His one failure was so significant that it was immortalized in verse. The guy must have an OBP way over .500 if we just assume he’s going to succeed, and I’d bet that if you looked at the whole picture, his Clutch and pLI would turn out to be pretty good, too. It’s the Mudville slugger for me.

Brad Johnson
Member
Member

Any team with Jon Dowd, Matt Derksen, and Ole Uttuslien circa 2005 is doing alright for itself.

nu billy barooooooooo!
Guest
nu billy barooooooooo!

Casey at the Bat, Smalls, Springfield Isotopes, Kenny Powers, Superman, Yankees in Chattanooga, Mike Greenwell.

Toasty
Member

It may be painful to do so, but we need to consider the vampires of “Twilight.” That superpowered baseball scene almost made the whole film worth watching, much like the pod race in “Star Wars Episode I.”

Smada
Guest
Smada

What about the Whammer?

Sue
Guest

Pablo Sanchez
Achmed Khan
Amir Khan
Kenny Kawaguchi
Angela Delvecchio
Tony Delvecchio
Jocinda Smith
Kiesha Phillips
Stephanie Morgan

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