Best Shape

Craig Calcaterra and his colleagues over at NBC have once again been collecting mentions of ballplayers claiming to be in the “best shape of their lives” — Javier Vazquez, Neil Walker, Hanley Ramirez, CC Sabathia so far this offseason.

It has me asking the obvious question… what shape is someone in when they’re in the best shape of their life?

And the answer, I’ve decided… is octagon.


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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

11 Responses to “Best Shape”

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  1. bsally says:

    Hey, if it’s good enough to be the nickname for Brian Fantana’s penis, it’s probably good enough for baseball players.

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  2. jB4s7 says:

    Sabathia in the best shape of his life could still mean he’s morbidly obese.

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  3. Corey says:

    I assumed it was a diamond, or possibly a pentagon

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  4. dockmarm says:

    Gotta go with rhombus on this one.

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  5. RA Rowe says:

    congratulation’s you have given us a new term: the “lazy man’s octagon,” which will forever be used to refer to a cropped image of a square turned on its corner.


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  6. Joe D. says:

    For the record, Icosagon would eat Ocatagon’s lunch.

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  7. MikeP says:

    I’m waiting for the one ballplayer with the courage to declare “I’m in the worst shape of my life!”

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  8. Mendoza says:

    No, no, no. Y’all are thinking two-dimensionally. Platonic solids are the way to go: tetrahedron, cube (also hexahedron), octahedron, dodecahedron (my personal favorite), icosahedron…

    At least your solids get closer to describing Delmon Young’s shape.

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