Blogger Embraces Statistics, Statistics Totally Hug Him Back


As the star writer here at NotGraphs, I am known for certain things.

Prime among them is my star writing.

To wit: The Big Dipper is big. In addition, it dips.

Also: Orion is very Orion-y. It is more Orion-y than Taurus, that’s for sure. 

Also too: Betelgeuse is really sort of annoying. First of all, it’s way too loud. Like Chris Russo loud. And frankly, I don’t much care for Geena Davis.

Also in addition to too: Beta Virginis, a star in the constellation Virgo, has a surface gravity of 4.25 cgs, “c” being the basic unit of measurement for “carloads” and “gs” for “Garry Shandlings.”

What I am not known for – yet! – is a rigorous devotion to advanced statistics.

To wit: I once sang, “You’re once, twice, three times a lady” to a ficus.

Also: I once claimed, with regard to our relationship, that the ficus had not given 110 percent.

Also too: I once gave Betelgeuse 2.8 thumbs down.

Also in addition to too: I once boasted that I could throw a baseball “a country mile,” despite the fact that I lived in a very large city and also despite the other fact that I had an IQ of 287 and a barometric pressure of 4. 

And so, in efforts to add luminosity to my already luminous star power, I hereby present some statistics as I have come to know them, advanced-wise.

– The Yankees, as of this writing, are 18-0 when leading after nine innings.

– The Angels are 0-0 in games that haven’t started.

– The Marlins have an ERA.

– The Cubs also have an ERA.

– The word “Orioles” does not contain a numeral, unless you count the “O” as a “0.”

– Home runs often travel hundreds (100s) of feet.

– Game time is 7:10, unless you are on the West Coast. 

– One hundred percent of baseball games are split evenly between two teams.

– Success is 99 percent perspiration unless you’re in Arlington, where it’s 100.

– The Brewers are in first (1st) place, also known as being “number 1.”

– The A’s play in a stadium called, which is a decimal.

– If a player gets three hits in 10 at-bats, he will go to the Hall of Fame.

– Jose Abreu weighs a lot. You can look it up.

– The odds of having Minnesota twins are 3.3 percent. I looked it up.

– Chances are often good that the tying run is 90 feet away.

– Chances are also often good that this could be two.

– Chances are likewise often good that this one (1) could be trouble.

– Blink-182 is a band. As is 311. They are from Omaha, Nebraska.

– The word “Omaha” has an “O” in it. Just think about that for a second.

– Actually, think about that for 4.2 seconds.

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John, who has also written under the pseudonym "Azure Texan," writes for both The Hardball Times and NotGraphs.

7 Responses to “Blogger Embraces Statistics, Statistics Totally Hug Him Back”

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  1. Resolution says:

    Where’s the ‘export to excel’ function for these data?

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  2. hector santiago says:

    I thought the Angels were 0-129 in games they haven’t played this year. I am also pretty sure I’m 0-24 in starts I haven’t made this year. I am glad to hear this reassuring news.

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  3. The Return of Rambo Diaz says:

    I know Dave Cameron does not read NotGraphs. But if Dave Cameron did read this post on NotGraphs, what he would be feeling right now is a)a sense of great enlightenment and b)a fear that John Paschal is coming for his job.

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    • John Paschal says:

      Rambo, there is a 400 percent chance that you are a) correct and b) correct again. Basically, that’s an 800 percent chance that you are totally right.

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  4. Compton says:

    If there’s a 3.3 % chance of having twins and a 1.7 % chance that a resident of the United States is a Minnesotan, then aren’t the odds of having Minnesota Twins 0.05%?

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    • John Paschal says:

      You’re asking me?

      No, seriously. You’re asking me?

      OK, if indeed you are asking me, I can answer in one (1) or all (all) of three (3) ways:

      1) For some reason, I’ve always assumed that every NotGraphs reader lives in Minnesota. (On a scale of 0 to 110, what are the odds that this is not entirely true?)

      Too) Alas, I should have qualified the statement to read, “If a mommy and a daddy live in Minnesota and love each other very much, their odds of having Minnesota twins are 3.3 percent. As a necessary condition of this formulation, the odds of a couple who live in, say, Hawaii, having Minnesota twins are 0.0 percent, unless of course they enjoy dual residency, in which case the whole thing would get a bit trickier.”

      Tres) All of the above.

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