Booty’s Knuckles


Recently when scrolling through baseball news I glimpsed the following extraordinary headline: “Booty Wins Knuckler Show.” I probably shouldn’t have pursued this any further, since any additional information can only dilute the pure joy of such a perfect sentence. But pursue I did, with the help of the Google, and after a few false steps:

– Urban Dictionary’s definition of “Booty Knuckle”: “The skin or fold that the butt creates when standing up, and dissappers when bending over.” (Filed next to “Monkey Knuckle,” “Penis Knuckle,” “Nut Knuckle,” “Knuckle Hugger,” and “Knuckle Trumpet.”)

– A recording titled “Wop Bam Booty” by the Knuckle Heads.

– A novel titled Booty Boys, which opens with a perfect sentence of its own: “As the lift descended smoothly from the Holland Park Hilton’s exclusive penthouse suite its sole occupant, a beefy black man wearing nothing but ball-crunchingly skintight gold-sequin hipster shorts and gold-sprayed basketball boots, stared dissatisfiedly at his reflection in its copper-mirrored walls.”

– Several enigmatic tweets. (“Booty knuckle hand ass hoe” – Young Dro.)

– A video titled “KNUCKLE BOOTY ACTION!!!!!!” which I declined to watch.

…I finally learned that the headline in question referred to one Josh Booty*, erstwhile college quarterback and Florida Marlin, and his victorious appearance on the MLB Network reality show “The Next Knuckler,” for which he has earned the chance to compete for a roster spot at the Arizona Diamondbacks’ training camp. Booty’s knuckler, or a rudiment thereof, can be seen in the capture above. My question for you is: did anyone actually watch this show? Is anyone qualified to actually assess Booty’s knuckler? And how does the prospect of assessing Booty’s knuckler make you feel? Be candid.

* According to the Internet Surname Database, the surname Booty derives from “a [medieval] nickname of endearment for someone short in stature, or probably given the robust humour of those times, the complete reverse!”

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4 Responses to “Booty’s Knuckles”

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  1. John Thacker says:

    The interesting piece of real news related to this is that the Marlins actually still have Booty’s rights. So if he looks good in the Arizona camp, then the Marlins can claim him.

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    • John says:

      If this comment had been posted anonymously, I nevertheless would have thought to myself, “I bet the guy who posted this comment is named Vinnie the Gooch.”

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  3. Dan Madigan says:

    Actually watched the show, his knuckler was slow, even for a knuckleball, and somewhat inconsistent, but was by far the best out of the contestants on the show. He threw a bunch of nasty ones to Kevin Millar, who was pretty fooled by them for whatever that’s worth.

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