Recently when scrolling through baseball news I glimpsed the following extraordinary headline: “Booty Wins Knuckler Show.” I probably shouldn’t have pursued this any further, since any additional information can only dilute the pure joy of such a perfect sentence. But pursue I did, with the help of the Google, and after a few false steps:
– Urban Dictionary’s definition of “Booty Knuckle”: “The skin or fold that the butt creates when standing up, and dissappers when bending over.” (Filed next to “Monkey Knuckle,” “Penis Knuckle,” “Nut Knuckle,” “Knuckle Hugger,” and “Knuckle Trumpet.”)
– A recording titled “Wop Bam Booty” by the Knuckle Heads.
– A novel titled Booty Boys, which opens with a perfect sentence of its own: “As the lift descended smoothly from the Holland Park Hilton’s exclusive penthouse suite its sole occupant, a beefy black man wearing nothing but ball-crunchingly skintight gold-sequin hipster shorts and gold-sprayed basketball boots, stared dissatisfiedly at his reflection in its copper-mirrored walls.”
– Several enigmatic tweets. (“Booty knuckle hand ass hoe” – Young Dro.)
– A video titled “KNUCKLE BOOTY ACTION!!!!!!” which I declined to watch.
…I finally learned that the headline in question referred to one Josh Booty*, erstwhile college quarterback and Florida Marlin, and his victorious appearance on the MLB Network reality show “The Next Knuckler,” for which he has earned the chance to compete for a roster spot at the Arizona Diamondbacks’ training camp. Booty’s knuckler, or a rudiment thereof, can be seen in the capture above. My question for you is: did anyone actually watch this show? Is anyone qualified to actually assess Booty’s knuckler? And how does the prospect of assessing Booty’s knuckler make you feel? Be candid.
* According to the Internet Surname Database, the surname Booty derives from “a [medieval] nickname of endearment for someone short in stature, or probably given the robust humour of those times, the complete reverse!”