Born To Be Ballplayers

Presenting… the ballplayers born (or at least named) to excel at certain baseball statistics:

CHRis Iannetta
CHRis Davis
CHRis Carter
CHRis B. Young
KHRis Davis

Julio TehERAn
ERAsmo Ramirez
Drew PomERAnz
Joel PERAlta
Kelvin HerrERA

Jacoby EllSBury

Drew StuBBs
BoBBy Abreu

Chris DenoRFia

Kohl SteWARt
Jason HeyWARd

Patrick CoRBIn (unfortunately for his ERA)

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

13 Responses to “Born To Be Ballplayers”

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  1. Grant Balfour says:

    @#$#%! Notgraphs!!

    +13 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. tz says:

    Edwin Encarnacion, obviously.

    +6 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. YABooble says:

    Poor Jose LOBaton.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. king buzzo says:

    Barry BoPEDnds

    Am I doing this right?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Anon says:

      His initials are BB, which explains why pitchers were intentionally walking him all the time.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. benagain123 says:

    Alcides Esc*OBA*r

    Add*ISO*n Russell

    Josh Dona*LD*son

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Quylyn says:

    TreVOR Plouffe

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Tim Burwell says:

    Banknote Harper

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. daniel says:

    One could argue that “being young” is a baseball stat, depicted in the numerical value of “Age”.

    Chris B. Young would like his second bolded assortment of letters.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Anon says:

    After seeing Chris Iannetta grouped with such HR hitters like Davis and Carter, he is shooting up my draft board.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. tz says:

    Marc RzczUZRzFIPzynski?

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1