Boughten: Hiroshima Carp Shirt

“Cistulli,” I said. “How do you like my new Hiroshima Carp fashion t-shirt?”

Cistulli's hatred of others

“Bah,” sniffed Cistulli. “I am a proud and relentless Occidental. I care not for those at the poo end of the spice-trade routes. They are beneath me. Literally. For look at this elderly Japanese man ‘neath my boot-heel.”

I noticed that there was indeed a elderly Japanese man struggling and purpling over underneath Cistulli’s awful stilettos.

“But Cistulli,” I said. “The Japanese play a unique and compelling brand of baseball. Surely you would agree that, considering our game’s global reach, talents from the Pacific Rim will continue to enrich the U.S. major leagues.”

“For God and country,” he whispered as he increased the pressure on the windpipe of the elderly Japanese man to the point of death and then beyond that point. “Now, that’s better.”

“Cistulli,” I said. “Look at the Carp’s logo. Is it not pleasing whimsy? Is it not prepossessing in its use of fractals?”

“To piping-hot hell with the lot of them,” sniffed Cistulli. “Foreordination favors those who look like brawny and alabaster me!”

Then he ravished me.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


13 Responses to “Boughten: Hiroshima Carp Shirt”

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  1. BubbaBiscuit says:

    Talk about burying the lead, “Then he ravished me.” You don’t get to that part of the slash fiction and then stop, what are you, hourly?

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  2. Overseas Guy says:

    Maybe the elderly gent wanted it to end that way? There are two sides to every story. I’d like to hear the side of the ravisher, not always the ravishee. It’s called objective journalism Dayn. Look it up.

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  3. Hugh Briss says:

    I pray to every cocaine smuggling reverend that the shirt survived the ravishing.

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  4. Resolution says:

    Yo Dayn, buy me one. I’d rock it despite what the Cistulli quisling says.

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  5. I’ve got that same t-shirt, it’s fantastic.

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  6. Inspector Gadget says:

    Mr. Perry,

    Please write a book of bizarro-Aesop’s fables. If you do this, the book and spat-out coffee will adorn every coffee table in the world.

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  7. Mr. Observant says:

    Dear Dayn,

    I found the Carp’s luscious, pouty fish lips highly erotic. The balls near the mouth aren’t too shabby, either. Isn’t it really, really likely that this ravishing is actually your fault for wearing that shirt near a totally unapologetic ravisher like Cistulli? Give this some thought and please make another Banknotes Harper post post-haste.

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  8. joser says:

    I want the Carp to tour on this side of the Pacific and, in particular, to play the Skeeters. The idea of a t-shirt that combines a Carp sucking down a Skeeter just makes me giddy. And there’s your slash fiction idea, too.

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  9. James K. says:

    The carp forms a C! A C for Carp!

    Life is beautiful.

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  10. KaminaAyato says:

    Bah, I’ll take my Imamura Takeru, Arai Takahiro jerseys and Kuroda Hiroki jersey shirt.

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  11. Maverick Squad says:

    Shame that Hiroshima aren’t going to good this year- they suck balls.

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