Boughten: Walter O’Malley’s Marijuana Bong

As you have no doubt learned by now, I recently was the winning bidder of the Sotheby-auctioned marijuana bong that formerly belonged to Walter O’Malley. Please do admire my purchase:

This is Walter O'Malley's marijuana bong

Lost to history is just what a relentless weed smoker O’Malley was. Sure, every baseball fan knows that Walter O’Malley burned through a lot of herb, but none but the most devoted historian recognizes the depth and breadth of his beloved habit. But that’s not why I was happy to secure ownership of the bong at a cost of $6.28 million in unmarked bills.

You see, upon O’Malley’s cherished bong, which for years served as the Dodgers’ “Vice President of Velvet Easy Time,” is the patina of not only heavy and unqualified use, but also the forces of consequence. As William Manchester wrote in his 1971 opus on the life of O’Malley, The Felis Leo of Our Brooklyn Hearts, Times and Honor and Valor, it was O’Malley’s zeal for the kine bud found in the roadside ditches of the Inland Empire that prevailed upon him to move the Dodgers from Brooklyn to Los Angeles. Manchester writes …

The Felis Leo of Our Brooklyn Hearts, Times and Honor and Valor (Google Books excerpt)

Much as Walter O’Malley could never resist the invitations of a stupendous doobie, so it is that I am unable to resist an artifact such as this.

I shall admire Walter O’Malley’s marijuana bong stationed upon my mantel and think fondly of his listening to Steely Dan somewhere in tangled Heaven.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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Tommen
Guest
Tommen

Excellent premise, poor execution. Step it up Perry. You got Notgraphs on your back. We count on you.

MikeP
Guest
MikeP

Lighten up, man. You’re harshing our buzz.

asyn
Guest
asyn

This is MARCH, not April

deadhead
Member
deadhead

This was a gateway article. I just went on to read about Marge Schott’s diamond tipped, platinum syringe, which is emblazoned with the image of Mr. Redlegs sodomizing Schottzie. Lore has it, she’d inject a speedball (a mixture of cocaine and heroin) and go on a long winded monologue about how the holocaust never happened before fellating Tom Browning at Skyline Chilli.

The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz

I would like to see the Home for All Baseball Fans place an internet tip jar on the posts of Mr. Perry for the purpose of funding his hobby of purchasing baseball-related marijuana ephemera.

RA Rowe
Guest
RA Rowe

O’Malley’s collection of hand-blown, glass dildos was also quite impressive… at it’s height.

Brendan
Guest

My grandmother actually went to college with Walter O’Malley’s daughter at the College of New Rochelle. Never knew this. But I always thought it was funny that he was the third-most hated man in Brooklyn, behind Hitler and Stalin.

Bobby Higginson
Guest
Bobby Higginson

Righteous

Ray
Guest
Ray

Isn’t the term “marijuana bong” a tautology?

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