Brandon Phillips’s Neck

This headline from the Dayton Daily News (“‘For Sale’ sign on [Brandon] Phillips’ neck”) made me think I was about to read a piece about Brandon Phillips and a very strange neck tattoo. As it turns out, it is merely an awkward headline about the Reds looking to trade Phillips and not a new addition to the bizarre and disturbing neck tattoo trend. (Is it a trend? Or have I only noticed neck tattoos recently? And why in the world would anyone ever want to get a tattoo on his neck? I mean, I don’t understand why anyone would want to get a tattoo anywhere, but on your NECK?)

This leads me to a neck tattoo quiz. Can you name the following players AND identify what the heck is pictured on their necks?

Neck 2

Neck 3

Neck 6

Neck 7

Neck 8

Neck 9

Kansas City Royals v Cincinnati Reds




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

12 Responses to “Brandon Phillips’s Neck”

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  1. Bluebird in Boulder says:

    The first one is Jon Rauch. He appears to have a catenane tattooed between laurel leaves. I am sure this pays tribute to his first summer job at Morehead State University where he worked as an organic chemist. The laurel leaves, a symbol of victory, seem to show that his synthetic work was rather successful.

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  2. Paul says:

    Jon Rauch, Ryan Roberts, Prince Fielder, Yadier Molina, Carl Crawford, Felix Hernandez, Felipe Lopez, Brandon Phillips.

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    • Paul says:

      I would ask “what did I win?”, but I think it’s actually obvious that I lose because I have wasted my time knowing the neck tattoos of MLB players.

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    • Pirates Hurdles says:

      You win nothing because you didn’t answer the question -

      “Can you name the following players AND identify what the heck is pictured on their necks?”

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  3. Izzy says:

    Felix Hernandez has a flower. At least, that’s what I hope it is.

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  4. nickolai says:

    I would love to see a Godaddy.com logo plastered on Brandon’s neck.

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  5. nickolai says:

    One of the above neck tattoos says “Prince” in korean…but not sure which one.

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  6. Stan says:

    Trick question. The thing on Carl Crawford’s neck is a spermatozoon .

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  7. stringbeans3 says:

    Yadier is lucky he’s good at baseball.

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