Brian Kenny, Sabermetric Colonialist

Some idjit named “Mike Bates” was riling up the masses over on SBNation this morning, comparing stathead culture warrior Brian Kenny to a British colonialist barreling through Africa and the Middle East, telling the locals how to dress and organize themselves, redrawing boundaries of nations to suit his whim, and not giving a damn about the consequences. And all because Kenny insists that the win be murdered in a well, along with all whose sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped them conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given them enough clairvoyance to find the rebels’ hidden fortress.

Frankly, the whole thing seemed ludicrous and offensive and this Bates fellow should be summarily fired (from a cannon).

In conclusion, here is Sabermetric Colonialist Brian Kenny in a pith helmet and with a silly mustache and a monocle:

 Colonialist Kenny

 Ridiculous! He barely even looks British.



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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


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The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz

Scary neck hair. Scary.

BenRevereDoesSteroids
Member
BenRevereDoesSteroids

He has some serious farmers’ tan from the neck up.

Daniel
Member
Daniel

Woah, you’re Mike Bates…

Brian Kenny
Guest
Brian Kenny

A man must have pride in, and care most assiduously for, the hair which privileges him of ability to obscure his neck, just as vegetation does for the most threatening of mountains in the rain forest.

Fastpiece
Guest
Fastpiece

This is way too meta for me. NotGraphs meta-commentary on one’s own content published elsewhere? This is almost rabbinic.

The internet is too sophisticated for me

Urban Shocker
Guest
Urban Shocker

I kind of agree with your column. I realize that Kenny is so over the top because that plays well on TV, but…then again, I’m surprised that guys as smart as Showalter and Leiter are so anti-stat.

Your NotGraphs need work though, Bates. Have you not watched any bat flips lately?

Iraqis for Faulkner
Guest
Iraqis for Faulkner

Bat flips are porn for the common fan. I may endure that porn, but I belong to a privilaged class that demands greater sophistication. I want black and white erotica of Brian Kenny making an Abu Gharib pyramid out of common fans, not a goddamned GIF of a monkey boy and a Subway sandwich, etc.

triple_r
Member

this Bates fellow should be summarily fired (from a cannon).

Into the sun.
(Too soon?)

Gyre
Guest
Gyre

Appropriate that you chose British and mentioned Africa, the site of many of their disasters. It’s much like bk’s many disasters at picking for the week against Harold — which is why so many great managers pay little attention to stat zealots. If all this numerology actually had any predictive value, the bookies would have closed shop long ago.

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