Remember when you were a little kid and a hundred dollars was the biggest amount of money you could think of? Imagine if — for your birthday, say — your grandpa or weird uncle offered you a check for $100 with your name on it, or a Joe Crede bobblehead. Which do you choose? Actually, you don’t need to imagine you’re a kid, because the answer is always the same. As Biggie once said, “Fuck bitches, get money.” I’m not calling Joe Crede a bitch, if that’s what you’re insinuating.
But eBay seller lockportbears34 IS insinuating that a bobblehead resembling once-useful player Joe Crede is worth $100, though he frames it in the Banknotes Harper-approved price of $99.99. This is more than most Vin Scully bobbleheads are going for. I mean, seriously. A hundred bucks?! You could get two Luis Cruz bobbleheads for that! Or ten Sidney Ponsons!
I get that Crede was important to the 2007 White Sox. I get that he could have been even more important to that team had he managed to stay healthy. But a Benjamin for that? I mean, the box is dented. And why is he looking away from the ball as he’s catching it? Crede did not amass 49.6 career fielding runs above average playing third base like a chump.
Save your money kids. Maybe you can get that Gomer Pile-looking Mike Trout draft day bobblehead you’ve been eyeing up. He may look like Sloth from The Goonies, but he’s already worth more WAR than Joe Crede. Plus, he’s wearing that sweet patent leather suit.