Call to Action: Let’s Have Carson Cistulli Thrown in Prison

I have taken the necessary and gravely belated step of petitioning the federal government to imprison Carson Cistulli for treason. To make this happen, we need your voice …

I have no doubt that deep-cover communists with work to undermine the will of people, so please do sign the petition while you still can.

Print This Post

Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

14 Responses to “Call to Action: Let’s Have Carson Cistulli Thrown in Prison”

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
  1. Person says:

    It appears the secessionists have succeeded only in reducing to parody the White House online petition service.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Eminor3rd says:

      That happened a while ago. I got all pumped about it until I realized that the petitions I signed that passed never amounted to anything. It’s no different than those placebo crosswalk buttons that literally don’t do anything but make pedestrians feel like they have control.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. qpontiac says:

    I mean we are talking death here Dayn. What did Carson do now? Offend your Uncle George?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Smooth says:

    Our goal is one billion signatures. Let’s do this!!!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Mr. Observant says:

    Once he’s met his fate, we should sell his organs to the dissipated 1% as restitution for his foul treatment of the Republic’s freedoms and values.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Mrs. Cistulli says:

    I’ve always wanted to ogle the population of a Federal prison! I can’t wait until my demon spawn is locked up and the key is blasted into outer space, hurtling toward the sun. There it will melt, never to be seen again.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Samuelraphael says:

    End the whiskey tariffs, spin your own yarn, tar and feather Cistuli.

    How much long shall we stifle as our children turn to chain smoking Cistulian troglodytes.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    You forgot “playboy soldier and effete betrayer of humanity.”

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. i’ll be honest, the fact that i need a site account means that i will not be signing this. i probably could have made one in the time it took me to type this, but i did not consider that until now. nonetheless, let the record show that i enjoyed the concept

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Eminor3rd says:

    Wait, which one of you is from Johnstown, Ohio?!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. the underclass says:

    I genuinely can’t discern which is funnier/sadder–that a presumably intelligent WH staffer actually pitched this petition website or that his or her boss actually signed off on it.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. The Message Well-Beered Englishman Sees When He Clicks the Link Now says:

    Thanks for your interest in We the People, a new tool on that allows all Americans to ask the Obama Administration to take action on a range of important issues facing our country.

    The petition you are trying to access has been removed from the site under our Moderation Policy because it is in violation of our Terms of Participation.

    While you can’t sign this petition, there may be other petitions on We the People on a similar issue that you’d like to add your name to. Or, you can create your own petition.

    Vote -1 Vote +1