As you may know already, my wife had been out of town for a week. This getaway was supposedly under the guise of “roller derby convention,” though her noticeable tan, freshly-plucked eyebrows, and faint smell of suntan lotion and Calvin Klein cologne say otherwise. There is also her icy demeanor toward me, but I think she already had that when she left. Or maybe she got it at the duty-free shop. I can’t remember. It’s been so long now.
Nevertheless, her absence has allowed me to do things that may otherwise annoy her in a two-person setting. This has mainly constituted of watching every episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Roll those eyes all you want, this is a perfectly good use of my time. The star of the show, Larry David — or at least the character version of himself that he plays — purports to being a fairly big baseball fan. Throughout the series, he makes mention of many New York Yankees, and even seems to base a whole episode around the a revelation that he has taken a performance-enhancing drug (Viagra) keeping him out of the Baseball Hall of Fame (by the women he is seeing, who happens to be holding the tickets).
The thing that made me laugh the hardest, though — well, the thing that, in addition to two bourbons, made me laugh the hardest — was the following:
I’m not a terribly big fan of converting nouns into verbs, but in this case — this very specific and rarely-applicable case — I will stand down.