Archive for Daily Dotes

Singles of Northwest Arkansas, Meet Your Finely Named Dates for This Weekend

The Northwest Arkansas Naturals are more than just the AA affiliate for the Kansas City Royals; they are also perhaps the finest source of boyfriend material in the Ozarks.

Today, the Naturals present two sensuous and aptly named young men for the consideration of area singles: Sugar Ray Marimon (who starts tonight’s games vs. Midland), a native of Cartagena, Colombia, and Brooks Pounders, a right-handed reliever from Temecula, California.

First, let’s get to know Sugar Ray…


Ellos no me llaman “Sugar Ray” sin razón, muchachas. ;-)

On his ideal first date:

Me? I like pizza. It makes a first date easy because everyone likes pizza. When you are eating pizza, you cannot be false, you show your real person without thinking about it. Pizza is really hard to be bad, too. Even bad cooks make okay pizza, so you will not be disappointed with your meal on a first date. Or maybe, if the pizza is really really bad, you can say with your date, “This is amazingly bad pizza. I never had pizza this bad. I didn’t think it could happen.” Then, smooch smooch.

On his ideal partner: Read the rest of this entry »


For the Enjoyment of Schmidt

Hi there.

Did you know that you are pleasureable to Mike Schmidt? You are. He really finds you very silly, in all the best ways. The very sight of you brings him joy.


Oooo-hooo-hooo-hoo-hoo! ;)

To Mike Schmidt, you are a rainbow capybara with dolphin friends, singing kind songs in a summer rain. When you talk to Mike Schmidt, he feels your voice pour over him like a refreshing waterfall in a world without war or violent crime — a world that smells like clean laundry, where you smell like organic cilantro, where that cilantro is tickling the corners of his nose, too, forever.

Yes, Mike Schmidt just likes to look at you, to see you smile; he loves to see you flourish. He hopes that you are doing well, and that you will continue to amuse him for as long as you both shall live, which Mike Schmidt wishes would be forever and ever, because he just cannot get enough of you.

Mike Schmidt thanks you for being you.


Weekend Wrap: Chen/Blackley Morph, Braun, Pagan

Here I go again, doting on some things from the weekend:

1. GIF-Morph: Travis Blackley & Wei-Yin Chen
2. Ryan Braun Gives Up
3. Ángel Pagán Makes Great Catch on Ball Thrown Back by Fan?

 

GIF-Morph: Travis Blackley & Wei-Yin Chen

Yesterday, the Orioles’ Wei-Yin Chen and the Athletics’ Travis Blackley — both southpaws — squared off in Baltimore. PitchFx suggests (see links above) that they are very different pitchers in terms of repertoire, pitch movement, and even release point. The GIF below, however, provides an at least anecdotal kinship.

Read the rest of this entry »


Merry Matt Moore Monday

Matt Moore likes Mondays. Boy oh boy, he likes Mondays. Monday is the only day that starts with “M” and that’s the same letter that his names start with. He feels like he owns Monday, like every Monday is his birthday. On Mondays, he jumps out of bed bright and early and just wants to yell and shout and tell everyone that it is his favorite day of the week, Monday.

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Anatomically Correct Infographics: Mike Napoli

I usually cannot go a single day without Googling Mike Napoli, I don’t know about you.

In a recent Google image search, I happened upon this infographic, which was part of an article by Mike Fast at Baseball Prospectus:

I was taken by how odd the silhouettes looked: the back knee appears hyperextended, the gut uncomfortably drawn in, the entire body unbalanced. The arched back makes the figure look weak and tired. It doesn’t look like any real-life ballplayer.

But mostly I was incredulous that this silhouette was meant to represent Mike Napoli . . . and I was determined to fix it accordingly. Thus:
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May Day Dotes: Colón, McDonald, Perkins

Briefest of giddy dotings for May Day:

Darnell McDonald Does His Best Manny Ramirez

If you’re like me — or, if you’re like Darnell McDonald — you can’t wait for Manny to get to be Manny on a baseball field again. Darnell pays great tribute to Manny, perhaps hoping to harness some of that power.


Manny at left, Darnell at right. Psyche!

Read the rest of this entry »


Daily Dotes: The Great Smyly Debate

Table of Contents

Delectable and Debatable Dotes for April 12:

1. Is Drew “Smyly” False Advertising?
2. Groupon Offer: MLB Team Toasters
3. Mystery Shrouds Ottoneu Tweet

Is Drew “Smyly” False Advertising?

Southpaw Drew Smyly will make his MLB debut for the Tigers today against the Rays. He’s a bit of an under-the-radar prospect, but is gaining interest at sites such as this one. Carson Cistulli noted some notable scouting notes in his Daily Notes column today on the analytical portion of the site. However, the NotGraphs reader will no doubt be applying different type of scrutiny when looking upon Smyly’s premier as they try to answer the question, Just how smiley is Smyly?

An exhaustive (read: 45-second-long) Google image search yielded just these two non-action portraits of Mr. Smyly:

Read the rest of this entry »


Balboni’s Inbox, Cistulli’s Hypocrisy: Dotes for 4/2

Table of Contents

Dotes for the day after April Fool’s Day:
 
1. Steve Balboni’s Inbox Is Full
2. “McGehee, Hague homer for Pirates in tie with Rays” in Running for Most Boring Headline of Spring
3. NotGraphs Editor Carson Cistulli Breaks All the Rules…
 

Steve Balboni’s Inbox Is Full

Steve Balboni hit a few homeruns that he, himself, had never seen anyone else hit as far. Steve Balboni has played at the highest level and knows what it takes to get there. Steve Balboni has noticed that many young players coming up through the minors have not been taught properly. Steve Balboni can show you how to improve your swing and hit the ball harder. (Looking at you, Dee Gordon.) Steve Balboni is offering a “new” “hitting instruction DVD”.

Maybe that’s why his inbox is full:

Read the rest of this entry »


Wade Boggs: Drunken Master, Dotage for 3/29

Table of Contents

Here’s the lineup for today’s (Not Quite) Daily Dotes:

1. Wade Boggs: Drunken Master
2. Bruce Chen Abandons Twitter Account, Comedians Anxious
3. Bartolo Colón Appears Sated, Nation Breathes Sigh of Relief
4. Rotowire: Brandon Inge In Danger of Making Opening Day Roster

Wade Boggs: Drunken Master


Behold: The ruddy cheeks of the Master.

Wade Boggs, famous for eating an entire chicken before every regular season game, and for drinking something-less-than-64 beers on a cross-country flight, apparently also had a sense of humor of which Stephen Root might be proud.

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Moyer’s Age, Youk’s Shirt: Dotes for March 27

Table of Contents

Here’s what’s in today’s edition of (Not Quite) Daily Dotes:

1. People Who Jamie Moyer Is Older Than
2. Kevin Youkilis Wears Big League Chew Shirt
3. D’Backs “Unveil” Rotation

People Who Jamie Moyer Is Older Than

Thanks to this article, which was posted to the message board of one of my fantasy leagues by the league’s commissioner, I spent too much time this morning looking at celebrity birthdays to see who Jamie Moyer is older than now. For the purposes of creating a list that wouldn’t drive us all insane, I limited myself to people born in 1963 (Moyer was born 11/18/1962) and I mostly stuck to pro athletes who played in the United States, with a sprinkling others for context.


Jamie Moyer, probably to be played by Chris Cooper in MLB: The Movie.

It was fascinating to see how many baseball players especially that had fallen out of my ready frame of reference — i.e. that I consider relics of a previous era in MLB/pro sports — of whom Jamie Moyer was a contemporary. Here’s a short list of people who Moyer is older than:
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