Archive for Great Moments in Spectacles

Great Moments in 1986 Topps, Part 2

The 1986 Topps and Topps Traded sets, for all of their poor design and photography, do capture some pretty awesome aesthetic moments — at least as far as we can expect from the 1980s. My post yesterday featured some Great Moments in Coiffure, but that was just the beginning: there are plenty of other style tips to be gleaned. Behold! (All pics embiggenable, as per the us’.)

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The Glorious, Glorious Mustache-Spectacles Spectrum

BEHOLD! THE WORLD’S MOST INSTRUCTIVE SPECTRUM, THE MUSTACHE-SPECTACLES SPECTRUM:

THIS IS THE MOMENT THE PROPHETS FORETOLD, WHEN THEY SPAKE:

…AND THERE SHALL COME A SPECTRUM, A BEAM OF WISDOM AND ETHNICITY THAT STARTS THICK AND FUZZLED AND CURLING AROUND THINE UPPER LIP, BECOMES THINNED AND VAGUELY HISPANIC WITH AN AFRO SQUEEZING FROM YONDER CAP, AND ENDS PURE AND PURELY BESPECTACLED, YET MILDLY UNSURE IF THE PICTURE HATH YET BEEN TAKEN — AND YE SHALL UNDERSTAND THE LOCKED CAPS AND WHY WE HATH TO YOU GIVEN THEM. LET IT BE SO. (AXFORD 5:9)

NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE — LENNY SAKATA, WILLIE MUELLER, AND DANNY BOITANO.

DANNY BOITANO, WILLIE MUELLER, AND LENNY SAKATA. ALL ONE TEAM, ALL ONE SPECTRUM, BUT EACH A SEPARATE GLORY.


Great Moments In Spectacles: Luke Easter


Return to Easter Mountain

Above is Luke Easter looking all bemused, badass, and Tunde Adebimpe at the same time. In these specs, it’d be difficult to tell whether he’d be prepping to weld scrap metal into an awesome toboggan for his niece, play a show in the Bowery with his genre-defying, brass-steeped side-project, or deliver a lecture on comparative literature — he seems equally capable of each.

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Great Moments in Spectacles: Danny MacFayden

There are those who look just fine in fashion eyewear, and there are those who look like they were born in fashion eyewear. Finally, there are those who look as though they’ve been wearing fashion eyewear for so long that the fashion eyewear has morphed into another physiological organ system, the purpose of which is to secrete vague disapproval. Danny MacFayden is such a man:

(Thanking-man’s thanks: Mop-Up Duty)


Great Moments in Spectacles: A-Rod

What follows is an image of Alex Rodriguez, invader of boudoirs, at something called a “Professional Hollywood Basketball Game”:

You might notice that Mr. Rodriguez, in this daguerreotype, is both becocked and bespectacled. It is the latter quality that is somewhat surprising. What is also surprising is that Mr. Rodriguez is visibly agape. Is it something he sees? Or has Cindy Crawford, in tones hushed but not hushed enough, prescribed something crude and immodest for him — something that assumes him to be both cad and masher? Careless whispers indeed.

The glasses suggest craft pale ales shall be sipped. The countenance suggest standards of decency shall be reconsidered.

(Love and the making thereof: HBT)


The Substance of Style & Mustache/Spectacles Package Deal

Dear readers of poetic inclination, as you’re undoubtedly aware, Robert Frost teaches that “Style is that which inidcates how the writers takes himself and what he is saying.”  If indeed that’s the case, then what must beleaguered and unappreciated former Twins reliever Ron Davis think of himself, and what is he saying?

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The Decidedly Photogenic Ryan Berry

As a Google Image search has quickly revealed, Ryan Barry — that’s Barry with an a — is an underwear model with a seriously devout gay following.

For all of Barry-with-an-A’s muscular muscles, however, I feel very comfortable in stating that Baltimore Oriole right-handed pitching prospect Ryan Berry — that’s Berry with an e, America — is more photogenic than both (a) his quasi-namesake and (b) basically everybody else.

Allow this click-and-embiggenable image (courtesy Gallery 2) to serve as Exhibit A:

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First Moment in Spectacles: Will White, Deacon White

Will White was — and in some senses, still is — this man:

You, dear reader — likely bespectacled and alone in a little gray cubicle of life — will notice a strange tingling sensation in the anterior chambers of your eyeballs as you look at yonder picturegraph. This is the feeling of MAJESTY enrapturing your ocular cavities. Do not be alarmed, but do know you will likely require the visitation of a physician and/or mortician at some point today.

For above we have featured:

THE VERY FIRST EVER
GREAT MOMENT IN SPECTACLES HISTORY.

Yes, the faint, white circles around the honorable Will White’s eyes are nothing less than Baseball’s First Glasses (according to this spurious site). And couched appropriately beneath those darling rounds — why, the curled mustache of king.

Also he’s bald.

That, in the biz, is what we call, “A Grand Slamming.”

Will White was a pitcher for Red Caps, Reds, Wolverines, and Red Stockings, and pitched as old as age-31, which in modern years, is about 65 years old.

White’s career reached an obvious down-slope, however, when in 1885 he twirled a scant 293.1 innings of 3.53 ERA ball. A clearly broken man at that point, he pitched only three more games before presumably spending the rest of his days crawling through the depths of some grimy coal mine, drowning the sorrows of his ever-failing vision on cocaine-laced, alcohol-rich Coca-Cola.

The brother of this man, Deacon White, obviously got the first hit in the first inning of the first professional game in history.

And, unsurprisingly as Science has led us to understand that the Mustachioed Gent is in every wear Superior to the Smooth Lipped Ninny, the good Deacon White sports a lip fur salaried not only to catch soups, but fast- and curve-balls as well:

Why of course Deacon played for the Forest Citys, Bisons, and Alleghenys. What else would you expect?


Limitations of the Mustache/Spectacles Package Deal

We believe, and by we I mean right-thinking North Americans, that mustaches and spectacles are inherently good. Indeed, one Dayn Perry scours the Internet day and night searching for the finest in spectacle- and mustache-related content. He has made NotGraphs your one-stop shop for spectacles, mustaches, and spectacles plus mustaches. Veritably, this site is the world’s foremost authority on spectacles and mustaches.

But, alas, I am here as the cold shower to your clearly aroused state, regarding said facial accoutrements.  As my dear grandmother likes to remind me when I steal her prescription medications, too much of a good thing is bad for you. To wit, I ask…nay, demand…you behold the evolution of one Kenneth Allen Phelps:

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Great(est) Moments in Spectacles: Dave Ricketts

We have a category called “Great Moments in Spectacles.” What follows is a picture of the late, great Dave Ricketts, the man who won the category called “Great Moments in Spectacles”:

This has been Dave Ricketts and his faultless, unequaled spectacles. This has been your Daguerreotype of the Evening.